A
female
age
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*ssgee39
writes:I got married in 1981, 7 years later I had an affair, cause my husband was always leaving me in the house with 2 kids and I thought he was, he found out then 6 months later he left me for another women he worked with. She ran a pub he moved in with her, a week later he said he wanted me back so I did, but the woman said he only came back cause she didn't want him any more. For the first couple of years after that we was closer than before. Over the years we've drifted again and now all that's in my mind is when he left me and her, yes I did it but I didn't leave him and I can't get out my head did he come back to me cause she didn't want him? It's always been in my mind for years, but I feel we're not close and I feel he will leave me again, how can Ii get all the old memories and why he left me for her why he left her and came back to me, and why have the memories come back so strong and ripping me to bits, and I am falling out with my husband over this every day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Well... you did cheat on him and it seems that he did that as a reaction to what you did, I don't know why you are dwelling on it. The fact that you didn't leave doesn't mean much, it's because you cheated that he felt justified in leaving you. That woman was probably just any old rebound just to ease himself from the pain of betrayal.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Did it ever occur to you that she may have told you this but the real truth it he loved you and decided he didn't want to be with her so he left? Anything is possible here. The fact that the two of you became closer when he returned shows that he obviously cared more about you that she thought! Otherwise I doubt that he would have made the attemp to regain what was lost in the marriage by rekindling the warmth and closeness.
Don't waste you time hon worrying about the past. You really have to find a way to let it go for you to be able to live your present and future to the fullest potential.If you have started drifting I suggest you pull out all the stops and try to figure out what is going wrong. Is it the same as before or is it different. Many people tend to drift apart thru time because our needs and daily influences beging to change, so we adapt. Go back in time to when things were beginning and then again when he came home. Ask yourself what is different now compared to then.
I suggest that you try going out on a date! Yes with him! Make it something special and something you did when you first dated so it can bring back a special feeling between the two of you. You need to make sure that you aren't doing anything that makes him relive the bad memory of finding out about your affair. You must also be careful not to broing up his past with the other woman. Both of those things are just that hon....THE PAST.
After the first two years since his return, the relationship had probably already started to return to the same old stalemate relationship. It's up to you both to keep the romance and the relationshp alive. This is something that takes daily work. It's not always easy. Many relationship thrive it seems with little or no hard effort at all, some however take alot of work. It doens't mean they aren't worth keeping,it's just that some need more nurturing and other good qualities to keep the relationship motivated and out of the stagnate stage.
You need to work on better communication skills. Learning to talk about your feelings and relaying those feelings to one another can help to keep the bridge steady and the water under the bridge from getting stagnated. This helps to bring about more positive results in mending the hurts and bad feelings of anything past. You have to come to terms with that past and move past it to continue to grow in the relationship.
I hope that you can find the way to work thru this bad time in your marriage. Keep working on yourself and do your best. Give to the fullest extent but be sure to keep yourself guarded and know your own part in whatever is causing the problems or making them worse. Be aware also of what you feel he has done or is doing that is creating havoc in this time of your relationship. Love is definantely a two way street....to travel it successfully you must be sure that you both want to wind up at the same destination. It's up to both of you to see that the plans are set and that communication has been good enough to assure the plans are carried thru.
My best wishes to you always. LET NOT WHAT GOD HAS PUT TOGETHER LET MAN PUT ASUNDER......BE FAITHFUL TO YOUR MARRIAGE AND TO GOD..PRAY THAT HE WILL SUSTAIN YOUR UNION.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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