A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I know I have been incredibley stupid and I'm the first to admit that. About a year ago,I got a little involved with a married man (horrible I know) anyway we met up three times, on the last ocassion he didn't use a condom and he ejaculated inside me. A few days later his Father got ill and he went to visit him, we exchanged a couple more emails that week then he just disappeared. I'm a MASSIVE worrier and in my head I've tortured myself this last year thinking that he must have known he had HIV, he passed it to me that last time and so promptly disappeared and cut off all contact. I've finally got brave enough to be tested and I'll be doing that later today. My question is do you think I was at a massive risk from that incident? The guy was married and in an open-marraige, he also held down a job as a Social Worker and he was 50 years old. Presumably he would make sure he got regular tests,right? right?. I'm going out of my mind with worry I'm almost 30 and all I've ever wanted is to have achild of my own if I end up having HIV it means I've lost my life's one dream and all for the sake of being an idiot and evil for sleeping with a married man. I'm so so so scared.
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condom, ejaculate, hiv , married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (15 September 2011):
 I couldn't actually see anywhere where it said you knew the man you slept with had HIV?
It's a three month wait before your be 100% sure, many experts put the risk as low as 1:1,000 for heterosexual vaginal intercourse, obviously it only takes once but that is the statistic.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Do you have any reason whatsoever to think this guy had HIV?
Unless you do, I think you're very probably worrying over nothing!
However, you did the right thing to get yourself tested, because I think it will put your mind at rest.
Also, please bear in mind that HIV is absolutely NOT the death sentence it once was. Doctors now have amazing treatments available - they've come on leaps and bounds! Many now say that they see HIV as a condition, like diabetes, for lifelong management... not a terminal illness.
The tragedy is, people don't get tested because they fear the result... which means they don't get the drugs that can turn this disease from being a killer into being something that just requires a bit of management. We need a public health campaign to re-educated people.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Make sure you get tested.If you had sex, traditional, nontraumatic sex, and didn't engage in anal intercourse, then your risk is low, but not zero.Protect yourself in the future, always."The guy was married and in an open-marraige, he also held down a job as a Social Worker and he was 50 years old. Presumably he would make sure he got regular tests,right? right?. "No, actually they don't. Troubling, but frightening all the same.My wife, a medical person, had an affair, with a stranger essentially, didn't use condoms, and never got tested afterward either. Interestingly, married people who have affairs, which this guy was, will take risks that they wouldn't normally take, simply because of where their heads are at the time. They don't even consider the risk in many cases, at all, frequently don't even think of getting the potential partner tested because it isn't "well thought out".I knew a woman who had HIV, who knew she had it, and went out and got herself a new guy and didn't tell him.I knew another woman whose husband contracted HIV from prostitutes. She found out when she got sick, with small children to take care of no less, and was tested and discovered that she had AIDS.I've known two men who were partners, one of them had HIV, the other didn't, and the one who had it had his status exposed when his partner came down with Encephalitis and was diagnosed with full blown AIDS.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 All you can do is get test to know for sure.
If you are currently sexually active before you get tested, use condoms every single time.
In an ideal world, we do hope that our lovers will be responsible and honest regarding their sexual health. I doubt most really know if they are carrying a contagious disease.
I encourage to you get on the path to get tested and find out where you stand. Only then can you really be at peace.
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A
female
reader, XxMishxX +, writes (14 September 2011):
hello,to be honest you should get checked for all known sti's. The most common ones are chlamydia and gonorrhea but you need a complete check up for all. chlamydia causes infertility and even cause pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) which can be fatal.I dont mean to scare you but its a very real risk, especially if hes in a open marraige. usually men dont like being tested. Its usually the women. Even if you've had no symptoms you can still have something.When i met my husband he had never had a test in his life and he was a player. I ended up getting chlamydia twice and getting HPV (warts) I still dont forgive him for his utter stupidity! i could of become infertile if i hadnt catched it so early (within 3months)You only get treated in life how you let people treat you. Find a nice man, a single man who you will be happy withbut anyway your more likey got chlamydia more then HIV if you did have any sti. get checked for everything and learn from your mistakesgood luck
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