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female
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anonymous
writes: There's a man that I've liked for quite a long time. We always smile and say hello to each other but had never really had the chance to have a conversation. One night when I went out I happened to bump into him we started to chat. He seemed really nice but I thought his questions were a little intense considering I didn't really know him. He seemed very interested to know if I'd been married before, and wanted to know how my past relationship had ended. I told him what he wanted to know and then he asked for my number. Everything seemed to be going fine and we continued talking. But here's the problem. Earlier that night I had seen a man from my past who I really dislike. (We had dated for a couple of weeks in our teens. He cheated on me. I left him, and he then developed a really deep obsession for me and stalked me for the next five years.) Although I hadn't seen him for about nine years. He decided to show up again while I was talking to this man. He didn't say anything but we were both aware of his presence. Naturally the man I was talking to seemed a bit concerned. He wanted to know who this guy was and seemed to be implying that I must be giving him some kind of reason to be hanging around. I tried to assure him that this wasn't the case, but he still seemed wary. I can't say I was suprised when he didn't ring, and I thought that was the end of it but then I seen him a few weeks later. He apologised for not ringing and said he still had my number, but then his friend insisted that they had to go and looked at me like I was dirt. He still didn't ring and the next time I saw him he just said hello. I still really like him but I don't know if there's anything I can do about it now. He seems as if he's backed away slightly. Has he got the wrong impression about me because of this stalker? If he was interested wouldn't he just have rang in the first place? I think I'm gonna have to just let it go...but I don't want to! He's really getting under my skin. Would appreciate someone elses opinion. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): You know..Eve42 may have something there. These guys could be in this together. Oddly enough, it might make sense.
If this guy was stalking you for 5 years, he's obviously unbalanced and very obsessive! You say, nine years ago he stopped? well, how do you know that for certain? He could be keeping tabs on you from a distance. He could've set up a friend to meet you, quizz you and find out where your life is, at this point. That would explain the intense, personal questions. It would explain why this stalker guy showed up at this place, when this new guy was talking to you. Has this ever occurred to you? I could be all wrong, but something sure stinks about this situation!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): Because of the circumstances that occurred during this first conversation, I really think this guy may have labelled you in a negative way. His friends 'dirty look' at you may be very telling in what type of mindset, this guy has. So what does that say about him? Do you think he may have some trust issues with women in general? Sometimes, negativity rules people's minds, in first time converations. This guy had no business asking you these intense, personal questions, if this was your first conversation. A first conversation should be light, upbeat and positive. Questions like: Where do you live? What sort of work do you do? Do you enjoy it? What are your interests and hobbies? Do you like to travel? Do you have children? Where is your family from? ...are usually they type of things asked in first conversation. Questions that are dealing with highly personal issues like marriage break ups, how it ended and why, etc should never, NEVER have been asked, at this time. This was not a conversation..this sounds like it was an inquisition. That type of conversation is usually reserved for a time later down the road after you both have dated for awhile and feel at ease with each other. Added to that, you didn't need the stalker guy arriving on the scene. I am sure that must have unsettled you! Obviously, this guy may have sensed your discomfort and he may have made an unfair assessment of what occurred. He should've asked if you were okay. He could have been concerned. If I were you, I would sit back and wait until he makes the first move. If he doesn't, let it go. Perhaps with time, he may think he was being unfair. You didn't deserve to treated like something was wrong with you, because of something that was beyond your control. If he's judging you on that, then he's not the man for you.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 Have you any way of contacting him? Just ask him straight out on a date. If he says no, or is being weird, say that you're sorry if you got it wrong, but you thought by asking for your number he was interested. Ask if anything's happened to change his mind, if he says no, check that the appearance of that 'stalker' didn't have any influence. You have a right to ask but he has a right not to answer or be completely honest. His friend may be a factor, or something else. Whatever, just ask and then you can set your mind at rest.
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A
female
reader, Eve42 +, writes (2 October 2006):
 Sounds like this man is in with your stalker, I'd call the cops.
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