A
female
age
26-29,
*rixie66
writes:I was dating a guy for a year...he fell in love with me but i didn't feel the same. It's only now since our argument and split that i realise how much i care about him but now he wants nothing to do with me.We had one serious argument in the entire year of being together (on and off - any previous breakups were on good terms and for valid reasons) and the worst i said was that he was a narcissist and a weak individual because that was how he was acting at the time.A week went by and i decided to apologise in the form of a handwritten letter (not that i had much to apologise for, we had a row like any normal couple). He got in touch with me telling me how much he cared and loved me but couldn't get over what i said and that it must have been the truth. He said he would be lying if he said his feelings were the same for me.I didn't reply because there wasn't anything i could really say to that.Now i'm over analysing his response and asking all these questions. Did he really ever love me at all? Does he have some other girl lined up? Was i right and he really is a narcissist who is incapable of love and wants to be perceived as perfect by everyone? :(
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2017):
 Okay silly arguments aside, only he knows how he feels and yes maybe you are right, we cannot tell you if you are or not, but it is clear that he feels the relationship is over. Therefore I would suggest ending all contact between you both and moving forward. Generally a relationship is never the same once you break up and then try and get back together therefore I would end all contact and begin healing.
A
female
reader, trixie66 +, writes (24 March 2017):
trixie66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou've definitely hit the nail on the head there...he has since been in contact with me but he's now playing mind games. Telling me he loves me so much but cannot continue with this...when i accept this and try to move on, he contacts me again giving me hope and then poops on it all over again. I've tried one more time this morning, just stating that i think we should just move past this as a couple because after all that's what you would do in the case of genuine love and 'it takes two to tango' but now he's blatantly ignoring my messages. I think you're right in that i should just move on.I found out that he did this with a girl he claimed to love so much that it hurt, he spent two years with her yet was able to switch off his feelings just like that after a few silly arguments.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2017): We can't tell you if he's incapable of love. You must have based that opinion on something. Maybe he's just not right for you. Period!
I have to give it to you straight. You've got to learn.
You said he fell in-love but you didn't feel the same. Then the rest of your post contradicts the opening line of your post. You're two very young people, so such relationships are short-termed to begin with.
You have arguments and you're basically incompatible. You don't really reciprocate his feelings; you just like having the knowledge he's in-love with you. When he says he doesn't feel the same anymore; now you're feeling rejected, and don't like it. Now you decide you like him after-all. This is somewhat immature behavior. He says the word "love," and that usually shakes women up. He's suddenly not such a jerk.
If he has been consistently behaving badly, and nothing you've discussed has resolved your disagreements. Then you breakup and move on. That is the mature thing to do. It's not your job to change people. You can't force people inline, or change them with verbal-battery. Either he's right for you, or he's not. You have to learn to tell the difference.
None of the rest of your post makes any sense, if you didn't feel the same he felt about you. That is, before the breakup. Afterwards doesn't matter. Those aren't real feelings. Those feelings come from the fear of him moving on with someone else, or being alone.
Is it the old cliche: "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him!" Or is it, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone?!!".
I think you were content with just having a boyfriend. The bonus and ego-booster was he had feelings for you. It feels good to be wanted and desired, or admired. It's not fair when you can't match those feelings; but don't realize how you truly feel until they leave you. He has to treat you right, and be consistent with what he tells you.
You break-up because the relationship isn't working and you don't really get along. You're now concerned he might be interested in someone else? Jealousy isn't love.
When you start a pattern of breaking-up and getting back together; that's a never ending cycle usually carried on by two people who are incompatible, but too jealous or co-dependent to let each other go. They love to hate each other. You have to out-grow such nonsense. It's also a sign you both want to date other people; but you're scared one of you might find someone else first.
The cycle continues until one or the both of you come to your senses and let go; or one of you finds the right person and decide to move on during one of your time-outs.
The weakest of the two carries a grudge and stews in their bitterness; until they decide to let go and finally move on. Usually, when they've found someone too. That's how young love goes. You'll torture each other with mind-games until it tires you out.
Let him go. You made the right decision. Don't doubt yourself, sweetheart.
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