A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i worked with a guy for 3 years and thought he viewed me as a good friend-he always referred to me as a sister ! i really cared about him and did all i could to help including saving him from getting sacked, and helped with work and all sorts. then i noticed this year the lies-not little white lies but big lies and i found out but he would still insist it was the truth. anyway he was also asking for help financially(i helped last year too) and i gave him approx 2-300 a month plus paid for everything at lunch and breaks-hes never appreciated any of this. and when i first met him he was lovely-really friendly etc but now hes deceitful and cocky. i think he also knew i liked him and would go out of his way to tell me about girls messaging him. he also goes on sex chat sites a hell of a lot. im scratching my head as to what i did so bad. some months i have left myself so short to help and now we still work together i dont talk to him but he still swaggers around like hes special. ive applied for a new job to get away -had enough -was i so bad to him :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cheryl borbon  +, writes (16 October 2011):
let's be honest...If a man cheats 2 times already...do we really know how many times he has....I have a man who cheats all the time and never cops to it ...I never know when where or with who until I do a little digging...I am not involved with this man on a relationship level anymore...but he does want to get back together.....too late....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): Well..Let be honest...Do you really know how many times hes cheated...If they do it once....well...you know the story.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): I agree with CindyCares - why did you allow this man to use you in the way that he did? Do you think that you have low self esteem and felt that you had to keep giving and giving to him? A friend who is a psychologist once said that, as a general rule, people with low esteem or who have been abused find it very difficult to say "no" to others requests for help and/or feel a deep rooted need to "provide" because somehow they have been made to feel that is their role in life - not to take or receive support, but to suffer the needs of others and do everything to accommodate them.
Maybe think back in your life and ask yourself if something like this happened before, even in a smaller way. If so, maybe you need to look again at why you have this tendency.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 You have been very bad to YOURSELF . You have let yourself be exploited by someone who, except for a short show of friendliness at the beginning, just to rope you in, has shown himself disrespectful, selfish, insensitive, arrogant, deceptive etc.etc. AND YOU STILL HAVE KEPT GIVING HIM MONEY for 3 years !
It's the case though in which the victim, alas, can't really complain too much, because3 she is consenti8ng and conniving with the abuser. You liked him, regardless of him showing clearly he was not considering anything romantic with you, and you kept buying him things and helping him out in the hope of buying his affection and make him love you out of gratitude.
As you have seen, it does not work this way. You can't buy love- at least not with 300 pounds a month, if we want to be cynical.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (13 October 2011):
 You were bad to yourself, not to him. He just followed your lead.
If you want to be appreciated for what you do then you must do it in moderation and know when to turn off the tap.
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