A
female
age
41-50,
*ilyrose
writes:I have been dating with this guy for 3 years.He recently lives in Lisbon for getting an Portuguese residence.He used to call me and we talked on the phone every week.I live in Madrid since we dont see each other alot,i knew that he doesnt have a girlfriend.He does not work at all.As i said,he is waiting for his Portuguese residence so he can go back to Paris.It is very hard for us both to see each other because my mom wont let me visit him at all.The last time that we had a nice conversation,was on november 13.He told me that he loves me and that we will be together one day.On nov 25,i called him and his cell number did not work it sounded if the number was occupied.I sended him 3 sms messages and he received the sms.At the same day ,at 21:33 at night ,i had 1 missed call from him.On nov 26,i called him and we talked.He seemed very happy.He said that he is in Paris that is why his number did not work.He also told me that i cant even imagine how much he misses me.I think that he already has the Portuguese residence.I am afraid that he got what he needed.The portuguese residence.And now that he has his residence,he went to france and he doesnt want me anymore.I feel that he will come back to me.I am afraid that maybe he dumped me.I am thinking of calling his cousin in france to ask if she knows anything about him.What do you think?what should i do?but i feel that he did not dump me.Please help me!
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female
reader, boo22  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 Hi honey, I know its tough,but its a waiting game now. Try to put the ball in his court and see what he does. I hope he phones and puts your mind at rest. Good luck x
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 It seems we are talking about a man who was not born in any of the EU countries. I apologize if I don't know about this, but it seems to me that, if being allowed to live in Portugal means he can live in Paris, then he could go back to Paris if he had any the citizenship (or permission to live) in any other EU country.
It is not clear how you have been dating him. It seems that you have been calling each other on the phone every week, which is not dating.
However, that is not the point. The point is whether you could see him. It seems to me that, since he is now allowed to live in Portugal, he might as well visit you in Madrid. I can't understand why he didn't do that before. Let us say he was an alien applying for residency; that does not mean he can't travel to another country for tourism.
Maybe he has never been interested in you, really. His goal, from the very beginning, seems to have been to live in Paris. That leaves you out completely as you live in Spain.
I'm not sure if he is going to call again. Let him do it; don't be the one who calls. If he does call, ask him where you stand with him. If you don't get a clear answer, followed by clear actions, then forget about him.
I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Long Distance Relationships are so difficult! It's almost impossible to stop ourselves from second quessing and reading between the lines!
But that is where trust comes in. With true love, comes a need for trust! And trust comes with honesty and communication.
I am in a LDR, that sometimes drives me so crazy that I wonder if it's going anywhere, and other times I am so grateful to have found this wonderful man! We have had several misunderstandings due to unanswered phone calls (on both sides) Sometimes we let our fears and suspiscions get the better of us. But, as for me...I know we do love eachother and we will be together when the time is right!
Don't give up on it so quickly. Give him the benefit of the doubt, as long as you don't have any evidence of him being untrustworthy, it's a wait and see situation!
I know that for a fact! But I also sometimes Good things come to those who wait!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 3 years is a long time to know someone and then act as if they hardly know you.
Best thing to do is stop calling or texting and let him wonder what happened to you. If he continues to call you then he is still interested. If you do all the calling, it might annoy him and he will continue to make excuses.
This - one day - is code for it probably isn't going to happen. Sorry to say that. It sounds like he is starting a new life which is an adventure. Men tend to get bored with girls way before we ever get bored with them.
Is there any way you can have a travel adventure of your own? Please try to not remain emotionally stuck on a man who is no longer in your daily life.
Cut him off completely and he will wonder what the heck happened with you. He also might not call again because he is starting a new life and when that happens, people rarely want to keep anyone in their past in this new life.
You are young enough now to find someone else eventually. Not as soon as you would like, but who knows! YOu'll be okay and thats a fact.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (6 December 2008):
 It is a poor excuse that his number didnt work. It is so easy to phone someone from most countries now, there are other ways and if he needed to do this he would have found a way. Sounds like he is messing you about and you need to do something about this. Youre gut reaction is that you are wasting your time with him. He knows where you are, you dont always know exactly where he is, so i should just take a step back and if he wants y ou, he will come looking for you. hope this helps.
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