A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was browsing through my dad's phone and found a message from someone (lady) talking about a child that my dad isn't supporting. My parents have been married for 23 years and i've never heard anything about that child. I've never talked to anyone about this and it bothers me. Did my dad cheat on my mom, got a child and kept quite about it? If it's true why did he keep such a message in his phone? I don't know what to do, please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): you are old enough to confront your dad. everyone will tell you to stay out but remeber this is your family. just as you are accountable for your actions to your family and they have a right to expect a certain type of behaviour from you, you are entitled to take your dad to task. he too is accountable for his actions. the likelihood that he messed around is great. you need to find a way to talk to your mum and tell her the truth.
i have found in my line of work when the man dies, the unknown offspring comes forward to claim his share of his fathers estate. this is the only time the legitimate wife and kids find out about the other family. then it is too late. the wife and kids have to make provisions for the other family and the little money has to be spread even more thinly around.
do yourself a favour, get to the bottom of this. it will save you and your family untold misery later on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): This is a problem between your dad and your mom. Though others have suggested you reveal this information to your mom, I suggest you confront your dad and ask him for an explanation. Often times, we do not know what is really going on and I know many people would look at this in a black and white way. However, if you directly tell your mom about this, many complications can ensue.
Many people will 'advise' that she 'deserves' the truth, but none of us, including you know what will happen if she finds out and none of us know what is really going on. You have to take into consideration that they have been married for so long. Twenty three years is a long time for anyone to make a mistake. Do not discount yourself from making mistakes. Your dad could very well have cheated, but unlike the few who look at things in black and white, we can however, assume there is more than meets the eye.
So again, I suggest you confront your dad about it. Make it clear that you need answers now and ask him what he will do about it. Maybe even ask him how it came to this.
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A
female
reader, jstdunno  +, writes (18 August 2009):
Possibly. It's a tough situation. Maybe your mother doesn't even know and if she does I think it's unfair for them to keep it from you. He/She is your half-brother/sister after all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Okay, now a lot of complications are occuring. My generation was raised rule by fear and we didn't go into our parents stuff and certainly wouldn't tell, so we didn't do it. We were put in our place. The classroom at school was full of silent students. Sometimes life is not black and white, but grey and you usually don't get the full meaning until you are older. I can see there is going to be a lot of issues regarding this. And a lot of stress placed on the family. I really think you need to make an appointment with some type of guidance councellor over a few weeks.
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A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 well if there is a child involved i would most definately say your dad cheated on your mum, however, this MAY be something that your mum is aware of, they may have decided to keep things quiet as to not hurt you and any other siblings you have, they also may have kept quiet because of the uproar it would cos between the whole family and also friends. of cause your mum might not be aware of anything.. in which case i think first and for most you should confront your dad, find out the whole truth, and then speak to your mum.. regardless of weather she knows or not for your dad to betray her in such away is unacceptable, she deserves to know the truth, and if she does not know about this child, then you will need to give her all the support you can. good luck, JD
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