A
male
age
36-40,
*alph128
writes:My girlfriend and I are 21 and she is pregnant. When we first found out the news we were both scared and shocked, I would be lying if I said anything different. In the next few days we both talked and were very excited, she always wanted to start a family young and I had no objections. That did not mean 21, but it is how it is. My girlfriend is around 13 weeks pregnant and now she does "not know if she feels the same about us anymore." We are both 100% for our baby but this was completely out of the blue. I am the same guy I was the day we met. She wants her space and all that good stuff, I understand that all but she says the love is gone. And honestly I do not believe it completely because 3 weeks ago it was a completely different story. I am starting to lose it a bit but don't want to mess it up. And yes I am scared of losing her. I love her too much to hear that from her. I need some help, or support. Anyone go through this? Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): I fell pregnant at 21 with my partner of one year. we are about to turn 25 and our baby 3. We are still together and have had many many hard times over the years. We have nearly broken up a few times, and that makes me question the legiticimy of our daughter, but i love her more than the world. Kids make you grow up fast, and a lot of our friends didnt know how to help really and we had to move closer to our parents for support and help when she was young. I do know people that have had abortions tho and they live with that pain everyday of their lives, and mostly regret it. If you love her, show her you love her, listen to her fears and hopes and dreams, and hopefully, you may have a happy future together- with a lot of hard work ahead of you. You will grow up fast. It's been the hardest thing ive ever done(being a full time mum) and she will need lots of support, as you will too. But its also the most rewarding thing ive ever done. I couldnt live without my daughter now. But what happens with me and my partner is a bit up in the air at the moment i must admit. and theres my two bobs worth. best of luck. but all i can say is, follow your instincts, and be true to yourself.
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (23 July 2009):
Agreed - now that the excitment has worn off reality may be setting in. How are you going to support her when she's given birth and has a baby to take care of? Will you have a job? A good job? A career (or a crap job)?
Are you growing up? or are you doing what most all 18 to 21 year olds do? My father had 3 kids by 22, and worked his ass off to provide for all of us. I got a professional degree and joined him (and my mother) in working for a company he started in our living room. Life is good, and we didn't want for much...
Are you ready to be a husband and a father? odds are good that she's woken up to the fact that she's in a less than ideal spot... contrary to the song, love is not enough...
She could decide to give the baby up, and you may not have alot to say about it... she could be regretting her decision.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 July 2009):
Well I have a question, do you ever think that you make her feel that perhaps you won't be there for her when the baby comes? If you've been lacking any sort of support, she may back off. Just by my own experience and others', when a woman is pregnant, her focus becomes solely on her and taking care of the baby. The thought of loving her significant other becomes less important at this point in time. I'm not sure if it's extremely common as in it's just a primal adaptation that occurs, or if it ocassionally happens. Just be supportive and let her know that you're there for her and the baby. You obviously love her and are willing to make your new family your priority.
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