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age
36-40,
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writes: I recently had a still birth. My son died because of an accedent from the umbilicol cord. I am so heart broken. I was suppose to return to work last month but told my job I still need time. But to honest I.don't ever see myself going back. I have always enjoyed my work as a visiting nurse. But a lot of people I take care of die and I don't want want to be around death anymore. I also can't stand the thought of being away from my three (almost four) year old daughter brakes my heart. After loosing my son I want to be with my daughter as much as possible. Is it crazy of me to want to make a career changes based on my sons death? Should I take more time off and see how it goes? Or should I quit and go back to school? Maybe for early childhood education and open a daycare so I can always be with my daughter (and any possible future kids). Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): The death of your son sounds like it has had a big impact on you, and has changed you. That is understandable. You are now faced with a challenge, how to overcome your grief and the loss of your son, and to emerge as a new person who has the emotional freedom that you once had before, to deal easily with what life brings to you. This is an important task, if you do not deal with this tradgic event, your emotional distress will continue to bind you, until such time that you choose to deal with it. Take your time. To overcome a loss like this does not happen overnight, but understand that it is important that you do choose a time to overcome it. There are many different ways to do so. Your decision around your job is difficult, because the death you face there triggers your grief of your son's death. At some point it would be best if you are able to accept death, the death of others and the death of your son, as a natural part of life, but again, you don't want to go back to work and find yourself traumatised all the time. At the same time, there is no need to run away from death. It is a natural part of life, confronting as it is for all of us. Take your time and decide what is best for you in this moment. You can always make new choices later on as you go. Finally, beware of becomming too needy for your daughters emotional contact. It is always good for a mother and daughter to have a close, loving connection, but for you to rely on her to escape the grief of your son's death, to pour your love into her or for her love to soothe you, places too heavy an emotional burdon on her. If you have this feeling that you always want to be with her, and spend as much time with her as possible, it is an indication that you are dependant on her for you to be ok, and this will affect her. Over time, do what you need to do for you to be ok within yourself so that you do not have to lean to heavily on your daughter or smother her with your needs, for the sake of her own emotional development. I am sorry for your loss, in time you will be just fine :)Good luck.
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