A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Learning to date and select a mate at 49 (or is there hope for me)entered relationship 25 yrs ago lookig for lifetime companion. She wasn't the one but got pregnant and was giving in to mother and sister to abort but feeling terrible and I was too so I comitted to stay with her and we married when child was year old then had one more. Kids grown and she moved out 2 years ago. Gambles all her money away and never helped put kids through college. Still not the one but has driven me into issolation. Have reestablished strong family bonds and have good relations at work but still no social networks after work. The one thing I wanted most before the pregnancy, a permanent companion, someone I could put arms around and who would do the same for me, is what I still want. Feel like on permanent rebound and when women flirt and give attention am so frail I get swept up looking to see if its something true or something more. Can't get rooted in what I really need or find a proper outlet for exploring what might become a lasting relationship. Need help. Need to be able to network and sort things out. Need love and companionship but don't want a pet dog as a serogate. What should I do. How do date when I've never been the agressor. I can change. I can do it but don't know how to begin.
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female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 This is very hard to do for u because of ur state. Though I will say it is not hopeless.I feel for u and know it can be trying to also trust.I don't know if u can explore some kind of clubs in ur area. I don't mean night clubs. If u go to church seek out some sort of meetings.If there is a group of sorts such as a bookclub if ur interested try this. For urself u might want to seek a female that is less shy as urself and more outgoing/outspoken. This might take the pressure off of u. Tho I suggest u don't throw urself in a relationship with the 1st female u may meet or like. There is nothing wrong with looking around and getting to know a woman. If u ware ur heart on ur selve it will show, try to hold some emotion back.I would not suggest getting involved with anyone at work, if this doesn't work out u will have to see this person everyday. It is very hard dating these days but don't get discouraged. I would not go to internet dating, because u will not get to know the person in person, and ppl may not always be truthful.Sometimes the person is right in front of u and u may not have noticed. You can try to ask a good friend if they know anyone for a date, but instruck ur friend what ur looking for. You will know when the right one comes along as long as ur put emotions on hold.Don't feel too desprate to find because it will come in time. Give urself some time to heal in the meanwhile there is nothing wrong with casual dating to help u put things in order. I do wish u the best of luck.
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