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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi there. I am a 17 year old male living in the UK. This summer (start of August 2005 to be exact) i started going out with a girl who is 15. Now i have knew her family (mainly Auntie and Uncle) for a couple of years. And i get on with (and still do) them now. So anyway her auntie set us up and after work the day after, she text me. We saw each other a couple of times and went to the movies, and out and about generally. I saw her the most on weekends, when we went out. And we spent a Saturday night together once (no sex, just cuddling and so on), around her uncles house. I felt after this time that we had reached a high.After this it went a bit downhill, it was my fault really. I never put enough effort into it as i should have. The inevitable came when she text me and said "we should just be freinds". I was devistated, but i respected her descision. I told her that i should of tried harder and she said it wasn't my fault. I hadn't cried that much since i nearly lost my mum (long story), and i dont usually cry unless i am really tied up about somthing. I was out walking until the early hours of the morning (4am) the night we broke up. A few lamposts felt my rage as well (sonthing i am not proud of). She was my first real girlfreind, i was seriously wrecked. I really did like her although we weren't together long. Also her uncle is really protective over her, and he said to me (at the time we were going out) that he would rather have me going with her becuase he had knew me for ages, and he trusted that i would look after her. I would have.Anyway after a few days i got myself back together and came to the conclusion that we should be freinds, wheather i would find anyone else ever again or not. The breakup happened around mid October, and the following weekend i saw her. We talked and went out as per usual. And i made sure she got home ok, and we text each other to see how things were and how our day was.So that was all alright then, still a little heartbroken. But couldn't of asked for a better ending to a bad situation. How wrong was i.A freind of mine, whom i had grew up with since i was around 13 months old (playschool, primary school, high school), had fancied my ex for ages. I knew this before i went out with my ex, but i had always fancied her as well. And it was just luck that i ended up with her first. Anyway i had a word with him about it, and i basicly said to him that i dont really want him to go with her being as he is my best freind. But if he was serious about getting with her, i would be ok with it if he gave me some time to get back on my feet, calm down, mabie get myself a new girlfreind. He promised to me that he wouldn't do anything for a while. I belived him. Later that weekend i went out and to cut a long story short i just caught him making out with her. My whole life crashed. I was upset, but rage was building up inside me. I got him, threw him up against a wall and told him if he lied to me i would kill him. i asked him if what i saw was true, he said it was. I said i wouldn't hurt him, but he was finished with me.By now i was at an all time low, i could of gone two ways. Lift myself back up, or crumble away. I choose to start training again. Go running and down the gym, not as i need to but i needed to channel my anger. I could of swore they (my ex and my freind) were following me at some point. He kept asking me for forgivness and she didn't know what was going on (yet), i stood my ground and continued to blank them. After some time (and some convincing from one of my freinds) i made up with my freind due to the fact that we had knew each other for longer than my ex has been born. As for my ex. I still hated her, she text me and asked what she had done wrong. I went full out on her and told her what i felt.From then up to now things have been slightly getting better. Me getting fitter, and i am trying to re-build mine and my freinds relationship back up even though he is still going out with my ex. It hurts when i see them together, i still talk to him but not when he is with her. And latley i have seen her staring at me when i have not been looking. I just feel she dosent care less about me, and the sooner it comes back on her, the better.Latley i have started to slump back down, i am feeling depressed even though i am still going down the gym. I just feel down and even though i go out on weekends with my freinds, i still am not feeling right. I knew if i found a new girlfreind things would change for me. But i am not the best at getting girls, i am not an ugly person i have been told. And building myself back up again down the gym will help. But i dont have the confidence to talk/dance with/or do anything with girls.I am just so confused and feeling down again, and lonley. I also feel because i made up with my freind that everyone else is ok and i am putting on a false image about how i feel. Any comments, advice or any form of help here would help me clear thing up.Thanks all.
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broke up, confidence, depressed, heartbroken, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): Think about wether you really love her. If you do tell her. See what happens and take the ride. Life happens, dont let it wreck you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006): hey dude, im 15 years of age, and trust me, i know how you feel. i dated the love of my life for 6 months. one day she called me up and shes crying. ishe cries for a half hour before i found out what was going on. she wanted to separate because i was really busy and had not given her the attention she deserved. she told me she was so in love with me and she would "wait" for me, and as soon as i began to have time for her she would date me again....she promised. i found out that she had began to date another guy who happened to be a friend BEFORE she dumped me. i threated to kill him if i ever saw her touching her the way he was again. as for her she told me she had done this before dumping me because she hadnt had time to call me and tell me its over. i love her to death, and i will always love her. and i know it hurts to see her with someone else, but i have to move on, and try to start dating again untill she relizes she was wrong, and comes back. so im telling you move on. eventually shell come back, i promise. if you need any more advice about ANYTHING my email adress is [email address blocked] ttyl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): i was going out with my gf for 9 months adn she dumped me im 17 and she was also 15 i know how your feeling and what you are going though im no good around girls aswell and seeing my ex with other boys kills me in side
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006): Just a quick note to say thanks for all your help and comments people. Those pair are still going out although it looks a little rocky for them at the moment. I think she feels she is too good for him, like i guess she did with me.
Will be going down the gym tommorow and i had some weights for christmas! So that will help out. Still no girl for me, still feeling down a bit. But i am going to keep pushing on. Thanks again folks!
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 You sound like a remarkable man and the next women to come into your like is going to be really lucky, to have such a strong and compassionate man in there lives.
You deserve so much, the best and personally your ex and your friend they don't deserve you. Your friend to start of with should never have even considered going after your ex, it's one of the unwritten rules.
But seeming that you do go to gym, why don't you start chatting to girls at the gym, at least you have a foundation to a coversation.
Girls like to be helped while traing especially when it's a goodlooking man with a goodlooking body!
As hard as it may be that your friend is with your ex, try to ignore them. Take all your good qualities and channel them into someone that is definately more derserving.
Go out there an prove to them that you are the best and that you will not tolerate their inconsiderate behaviour.
There is someone out there that will appreciate you, So go and find her. GOOD LUCK
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2005): ere bbelieve me i have had my heart broken so many times its 99% glue lol but i dont think u will do so bad
u dont ound like a bad guy and if ur not bad looking get out there go to a club do some flirting dance and have a laugh teenage yrs are the best yrs of ur life and when u r 21 ur life gets worse with the bills n gettin a house n all tht so have fun while you can xxx
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A
female
reader, jilly +, writes (15 December 2005):
just forget about her mate seriously, you're still so young and you'll find a girl soon enough who'l treat yhou right and you've learnt something from this experience to help you in future relationships. as for your mate, i think you're a great bloke for making it up with him i'm not sure i wud have. just keep looking forward to the future you've got many good things coming up in your life. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2005): You sound incredibly strong and honest which is a very attractive quality for us females you know. I know about the anger thing. I've had it before, and no matter how rationally i think about things.. a few moments later im in a rage again - write all your feelings down even the really horrible stuff, its a great release and you can just keep writing until it makes sense. The anger is because you have been rejected, but dont let this rejection impact on your future. Just look at all the people writing to this site... its a myth that relationships are perfect. Everyone gets hurt, but in a way it makes you stronger and helps you identify what you expect from friends and potential partners.
I really beleive as soon as you see your strengths and good qualities, people will see them too. Depression is so hard to deal with, but i promise it will ease. The front you think you are putting on is simply to 'survive' and i guarantee over time you will feel free from all these feelings. I think the reason you find it hard to have girlfriends is because you dont believe you are worthy.... dont let this girls impression of you ruin your chances with other people... chances are you are fantastic partner to have and as cliche as it sounds, there are so many people out there to appreciate you. Just believe in it.
good luck, go break some hearts.
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A
female
reader, Phyrekiss +, writes (15 December 2005):
 The best thing you can do for yourself is move on. Going to the gym and getting out and doing things are really good ways of picking yourself back up. You are on the right track, and heartbreak isnt the easiest thing in the world to handle, but like I said, you are on the right track. Dont give up!
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