A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:[Mod Note - OP's own title]I have been with my second boyfriend for a year and 8 months, we have never had the perfect relationship but i have found a level of comfort in him that makes me feel like it could be worth while. He was the first person i ever had sex with and let myself be that open around. We split about a year ago and i got in a bad situation where i was pretty much taken advantage of by a guy who i thought was fairly decent at the time, clearly he proved me wrong. We (my boyfriend and I) argue so much, he gets in these moods where no matter what i do, no matter how nice i try to be or how much i try to kiss up to him, he just seems angry. He will tell me he is just tired but i know its code for he is in one of his little moods. I get frustrated because i just want to have a nice day and be happy together and no matter how hard i try, its pointless. When we first got together, he would scroll through his contacts and i noticed a few female names and asked who they were and it immediately ticked him off and he ended up going off on me saying i was being nosey and disrespectful, when all i did was ask in a nice manner just out of curiosity. I didnt realize i was doing anything wrong, it had never been an issue in my previous relationship or in any other circumstances. Now, over a year and a half later, i will still glance over occasionally and see various females he has sent texts to. I feel like i can't trust him, and while it is wrong, i have taken it upon myself to see for myself what hes up to and he sends them texts asking what they are doing for the weekend and pretty much flirting with them. when i tell him it offends me, he blows me off and gets very angry with him. some of these females are ex girlfriends, and one we actually broke up and he continued to talk to her, they had sex and then quit talking and since then we have gotten back together. Now this past weekend, i found he had been texting a girl a year younger than me and he always does it when he steps outside to "just smoke a cigarette" and will completely hide it from me even though i have asked for him to be honest and open w me because i have respect for that, and this stuff he is pulling is hurting me emotionally. When i tried talking about it with him, we had both been drinking, and i wouldnt just let it go because its really on my nerves and upsetting me, and he started punching his face over and over and over. i started screaming and crying and tried to get him to stop and he pulled away and kept looking at me and hitting himself. i had a friend come get me, but now he thinks things should just be fine and us move on. i have been told i need to just leave, but i know i love him and i dont quite want to, i wish there were any other alternative. i am considering counseling but he wont go, he is completely against. what can i do? is leaving the only option left? i can't take this violence and lack of trustworthiness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate the feedback and answers. Every time i start trying to think logically about it all and thinking i need to leave, he breaks me down i guess and i fall for it.
Things have already gotten physical between us in the past, and 15 minutes tops he is always trying to get me to stay or come back and forget about everything.
By the way though, i am pretty sure he was told he had bipolar disorder in the past. I want to try to be there for him, and just feel at a loss now.
A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (16 August 2010):
Do you want him to harm you before you realise its time to leave?Girl,just leave.He's just a bf,not a husband and no kids either im sure.You aint got nothing to lose if you leave,but you've got everything to lose if you stay.You'll realise your life is so messed up that you wont know what to do.You have a whole life ahead of you girl,move on.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Not to offend you or anything, but have you considered that he might have a mental disorder such as bipolar or something? He must have anger issues considering he kept hitting himself.
This is a scary situation, and he seems like he could become potentially physically abusive...especially since he's abusing himself at the moment.
You already know that he lies to you, its pretty obvious when people are up to something, especially since you asked nicely who those girls were in his phone and he got defensive...first sign of a liar.
another redflag is him turning the tables on you, by him saying you are nosy and disrespectful for something that ANY girlfriend would ask about.
I would strongly advise you to get out of this relationship. I know you said it was comfortable being with him, but is that what you want? comfortableness? Or would you rather have a guy that you NEVER have to wonder who he's talking to, NEVER have to be scared that he'll blow up at you, and NEVER have to witness him doing scary things to himself?
pretty soon that could be your face he's punching, thats my main reason I think you should leave. If it weren't for that, I'd say try and work it out, but that last bit you described is extremely offputting.
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