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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am really struggling to get over my ex. I have recently started the "no contact" and it hurts like hell. I dont want to go into why we broke up all I know is that its over and I just want to forget him and start healing. I have tried friends, reading books, I work. But the pain just wont go away. I want him erased from my memory.I dont even want to think of him but the memories continue to haunt me. I know they say it takes time but I want to free of this emotion. Please help.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
I'm afraid that whatever you do, it's going to take time. Keep up with the friends and socializing and hobbies and all that, and make sure you don't have contact. It'll just take you time, but you WILL get over him :)
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (2 October 2009):
 Ah, I have been there believe me.
Yes it does get better with time, but when you find yourself with even more time on your hands and thinking about the ex, it seems like time stops.
People grieve in their own way and own time. I guess what actually worked for me in the end was getting out in the world and meeting new people. I myself am not the most social animal, but I forced myself to go to completely different places when I went out. Kind of liker starting with a personal clean slate.
One thing I can assure you is if you both inhabit the same social sites, to delete him and block him. Making him insignificant does seem extreme but it does go a long way in fomenting the healing process.
I would also suggest taking up a hobby or doing something you may never think of doing. For me it was volunteering to help illiterate people learn to read. If you would have asked me to do it 10 years ago Id laugh in your face, but in lieu of my breakup it was a very rewarding experience that I have continued to do.
But in reality, anything that gets you active and not at home on your computer or playing sad songs on the radio is a step in the right direction.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): It really just takes time and a lot of it I am afraid. Depending on how long you were together and how committed the relationship it can take a year or more.
You are grieving and there are stages of greif that you go through, and they come and go those stages. It is like a death, the ending of a relationship.
The one thing that helps the most is to realize that you do not NEED this one person to be happy. Do you? Of course not.
Just allow yourself to feel the strong emotions when they come up, but don't dwell on them, action helps the most, get busy, doing anything, cleaning, painting, reading a novel, excercising is really great as it releases all those chemicals and feel good chemicals in the brain.
If you feel that you have fallen into a depression where you just don't want to take care of yourself or get out or you are avoiding friends and family, then seek help from your doctor. You may need medication at least for awhile to get your brain chemistry back on track after all the the stress you have been through.
It really does help to have no contact at all especially for the first couple of months, as your emotions are still raw. Anger is better sometimes than feeling sorry for yourself or blaming yourself. I imagine there are some things that you are angry about, so feel that instead of turning it inward on yourself. Use that anger to motivate you to change your life, don't act out on it and contact him to tell him off or take revenge.
Box up all the things he has given you, even pictures of him and put them high up on a shelf where you can't be "triggered" by these things when you see them. Or better yet, have a funeral pire and burn them! Delete his cell number from your phone, delete your facebook account and stay off social networking sites, don't be tempted to look at his and in time you will get back to being just you.
If you feel up to it, go on some dates with other men, but avoid jumping into a relationship to help you avoid your feelings about this one ending. That never helps any one including the reboundee.
I hope you start to feel better soon, just get up and get moving....it really does help.
Take care, hang in there.
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A
female
reader, Parody0faGirl +, writes (2 October 2009):
I don't really know much about your circumstances, but there is something I have found to help forget about my problems. It may seem a bit unusual, but here goes:If you are lonely and can afford to take care of a pet, now may be the time to adopt or purchase one that you can interact with. A pet can help pass the time, you can create new fond memories together, and if properly cared for will love you unconditionally. A pet will allow you to focus on something other than your ex, and can bring you great joy and companionship for many years.If a pet is not an option, you could perhaps fill some of your free time with volunteer work, or take up a a new hobby (something that will preferable get you away from the house and can help you meet new people.)Other things that can help alleviate the pain are removing things that remind you of the person from sight in your home, blocking them on social networking sites and IM programs, and not visiting places where you know they hang out.Best of luck and I hope this helps!
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