A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm facing huge dilema, although it may not seem so huge to some, but I can't figure out how to get over it. It all started out as innocent fling/crush type of thing. My friends and I were always talking about how great our teacher is, and how good he looks. We all though/think he's great looking, and wonderful, and it was all innocent. Until, I started to have real deep feelings for him. He's 12 years my senior, and he has done nothing to encourage my feelings or anything like that (which I find it even more attractive, because if he was I would not have respect for him, since I am his student, and it's supposedly so wrong on so many levels). I have his class every day, and I feel as if every day, my feelings just keep growing for him. I know it's not healthy, and I haven't told none of my friends about this, but I just can't help the way I feel. It's not like I want to have sexual relationship with him. I just long to be close to him, hold hands, talk, laugh, be emotionally connected to him. So I know it's not lust, and it goes beyond a crush, but is it really love? Now, everytime I go to his class, I just feel really depressed, and I can't get him out of my head, my heart aches for him, and I dream about him. This can't be good, can it? Even if I had a shot with him (which I don't believe I do) there's no way I would act on my feeling for him now, since I am a minor, and there's no way I want him to get in trouble. And planning for the future seems a really, really long- maybe even impossible- shot. What can I do to stop feeling this way? Please help me!!!
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female
reader, dreamingwithabrokenheart +, writes (14 May 2008):
 dear, i definitely know where you're coming from. I too am 'in love' with my teacher and i know EXACTLY what it's like to see that person every day and having the same reaction inside as you would to any other crush, and also having an extra, sinking weight in your stomach all the time because you know it can never happen. first off, i really think that it CAN happen - not a relationship, or even holding hands - that would definitely be wrong for him and you, but i think that you can have a deep relationship with your teacher without having it be adulterous or illegal or immoral. How so? it's the kind of relationship that is a connection on the emotional level, where you feel you can tell them anything, you can laugh about things and you share some similar interests, etc. My advice to you would be yourself around him, and don't try to force any kind of relationship. If he is truly a great, caring and wonderful guy he will make time to listen to your worries and hopes and dreams and musings, and then you can go from there. If not, don't dwell on it. You may have liked the emotional stability with him, but realize that there are A LOT of other great people out there who do/will care about you if you want them to. He is not the end all-be all. I'm having trouble convincing MYSELF of that, but it's my best advice to you.
A
female
reader, british_girl  +, writes (14 March 2008):
 im in the same situation, its really hard, i used to think i was in love with my teacher bout a year ago, but looking back i had no idea what love was... now i know!! im without a doubt in love with the teacher now, i don't want to have a sexual relationship with him (well, i wouldnt say no - he's gorgoeus in my eyes) i just want to be around him, to talk with him, for him to want to be around me, and ive thought it through and i thikn the reason i feel this way is becuase he's so wonderful to me that if he liked me back - if someone as handsome and intelligent and brave and witty as him - then it would mean that i was worth something, that if i meant something to him, i must be really special. i also realised just today that the more i see him, the less happy i feel: he taught me today and i was so nervous and anxious, and when i got to the lesson he looked sooooo handsome, and i just fall in love with him all over again each time i see him, and i was on edge all lesson, and even though it went alright, in that i answered loads of his questions, held eye contct etc etc, when i got out of the room, i just wanted to cry, and i felt so restlessly unhappy that i wandered round for ages by myself unable to settle down and still feel pretty depressed. i dont know how this might help, but maybe just knowing that you're not alone in how you feel does a little.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I wish i could give you some great advice but i really don't know coz i feel exactly the same. If its any consolation i do understand.
It all started as an innocent crush for me too but now after liking him for more than a year and getting to know him so well, its diffinetly become more. I too, don't want anything serious because of exactly what you said, i just long to be close to him and know him in a personal way rather than having the fact that he's my teacher get in the way. I feel like the situation is so hopeless because it can never go anywhere! You know, even if i met him in a few years when he wasn't my teacher anymore, it would still feel like it!
Its hard having to see them and talk to them everyday isn't it? They're just always there-i sometimes think it would be easier if he'd just vanish, then maybe i'd be able to get him out of my head and move on. But maybe, try and focus on the positive things about feeling such 'love' for a teacher (if that's what it is, i don't know either!)such as when you talk to him and it makes you feel good. And try and think about it being a good thing rather than taking it as seriously bad (but i know that's easier said than done!
I'm really probably not the best person to advise since i'm just as stuck as you. Somebody please help both of us! Someone who isn't feeling exactly the same but might have some idea what to do. i'd greatfully appreciate your help too!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): You could try writing your feelings down but then rip it up its pointless but it helps!! try flirting with lads your own age. You could try talking to your teacher but you could ruin your relationship. Try and find ways to block him out your head.Good luck tell me what happens.. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): i was in the same situation as you when i was teenager, except it wasnt about my teacher it was about my oldest cousains best mate. i dreamt about him, thought about him constantly, imagined being with him, and yes my heart ached for him. At the time i thought it was love and this went on for about two years, but soon my feelings died down, when i saw him less.
I know its hard for you to believe but what you think is love, is not. its a crush. I think you should start concentrating more on boys your own age. Theres nothing wrong with thinking about this man, but try to balance it out by talking to other boys too. When you stop seeing your teacher you will think about him less as you wont see him as much, concentrate on doing well at school. Once you have done that you will get a job or go on to further education, by this time you will have grown up and changed and you will be thinking about the men that you CAN have, not the ones that you cant. i promise this will be over before you know it, youve got plenty more boys to go through before you fall in love, trust me.
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