A
male
age
51-59,
*eartonsleeve
writes:dear cupid hope u can helpmy wife has been suffering with depression for the last 18 months.since this first began i have tried everything i could to make her better sadly my lack of knowledge of the illness worked against me.i have felt that the more i was giving the less i was getting and at times an arguement would arise.since our last row she has left and gone to her mothers which is 3 doors away from me.i tried to talk her around but to no avail so have decided to not contact her for a couple of days to calm everything down.i deeply love her and want her back so i have begun to see a therapist for some help/i am really struggling on my own and miss her so much.what can i do to get her back Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): "i have tried everything i could to make her better sadly my lack of knowledge of the illness worked against me.i have felt that the more i was giving the less i was getting and at times an arguement would arise."
You have to understand - you can't make someone else better. You can't cure her of her depression. I know you didn't know that then, but now you do.
it's common for partners of depressed people to feel that the more they give the less they get in return. often, the partner then develops depression as well, as a result of this, if they are unable to keep a right perspective or if they are unable to be independent enough to feel OK when their relationship is basically in the dumps indefinitely due to their partner's illness.
sadly, your wife is the one with depression so only she can get out of it. She may need professional help and may need medication but ultimately she has to take responsibility for her treatment. I think you should focus on yourself and taking care of yourself, don't let her depression hold you back from living your life.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 She needs professional help. It is admirable that you fought to keep your marriage secure but unfortunately, depression isn't something one person can fight against easily. Talk to your mother-in-law about getting professional help for your wife and continue to be there for her.I hope that helps.
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