A
female
age
30-35,
*ovelydreamer
writes:Hey all, My boyfriend and I of 2 years recently broke up and I just feel so depressed and lonely. The only friends I had were his friends and now that we broke up I've really lost everyone and I feel so alone. He seems to be so happy and everything and I am over here depressed and miserable. He was just such a huge part of my life for so long and I feel so bad without him. I really don't have many people that are here for me like he does, he has a lot of people that are there for him and can help him through this. Whenever I see his stuff on Facebook, I just get majorly depressed and I just really miss him. I just don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone gone through something like this? What should I do and how do I get through this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Going through a break up can be one of the hardest experiences in the world. It is not pleasant, but it can help make your future relationships better if you can shift your focus to being happy for the experience, and looking at what you learned in this past relationship so that you do not repeat certain behaviors in your future relationships.
It is all a learning experience until you find your soul mate, and even then, there is still a learning curve.
Here is a link to a entire group of articles all related to getting over a break up, when to start dating again, and mourning the past. I hope you find them useful.
http://www.franktalks.com/break-ups/
-Frank
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 First impression I get from your post lovelydreamer is that; The only friends I had were his friends… This appears that you have relied on him too much, and have not developed or kept a social network of friends of your own? No one person should be our sole focus; it’s needy, clingy and draining on them.
Being unaware of the cause of your break-up, the loneliness I understand even with having friends of my own. Sure enough we’d like to think/see they miss and hurt like we do… They do! Except they cover it up differently to us girls.
It would be best if you stop checking him out on Facebook which only feeds your depressed state of mind!? Learn how to be your own person and not a shadow of the one your with.
Take Care – CAA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): Yes, many of us have. You centered all your feelings around him and forgot to leave some room for your own life. He provided you with a full package. You got to be with him, his built-in friends, and you neglected to build your own friendship support system. We all need them for times like these. I often read posts from people who left jobs, family, friends, and their lives behind to be with someone.My heart truly goes out to you, because this has also happened to me. I feel lost without him, but I have many good friends of my own. I've kept all my social networks open, yet I still feel the grief of loss and very sad. I know that I don't have to face it alone. Did you maintain closeness to any of his friends? It gets awkward if you broke up on bad terms. They feel obligated to choose sides out of loyalty.Some people continue to extend their friendship and stay on neutral terms. That all depends. How open and friendly were you to them? Reach out and see how they respond. You may need to give it time. They are busy helping him right now.There might be someone who is sympathetic enough to reach out to see how you're doing, I hope. The lessons we all have to learn is that we have to be an individual and not too co-dependent on others. We can fall deeply in love; but should reserve some for ourselves, and develop close friends of our own. Then when things like this happens, there are people or someone there to pick us up as we fall.Deal with your pain as best as you can. Don't give in to it. You have to stay busy, get family support where it's available; and most of all, you have to love yourself first.Always see yourself as a whole person, not half of someone else. That gives them too much power; and as you said, he seems happy and easily getting over it. He does feel pain. He may hide it better than you. He loved you or he wouldn't have included you in his life.Now it's over and you move on. You will be happy, just as he may seem to be. You're depressed; so he'll appear to be rubbing your nose in it. He seems smug right now. Maybe all went badly between you leading up to the breakup.Guys sometimes don't appear to be as hurt; but we feel pain just as deeply. When he's alone, he feels depressed to. He lost someone also. Some people alienate their mates from their support systems; so they have complete control. You will now be able to recognize this, if it ever happens.Find publications to read on the subject of survival after a break up. You have to build inner-strength so you can recover. You will, it comes with time. Reading will fill the lonely hours, and expand your mind. You'll see it from a different perspective as you read the experiences of others. Talk to your parents, grandparents, older aunts and uncles. Maybe you have older siblings. They can all help.Another lesson learned; if you pushed them all away to be with him.You are very young, but heartbreak doesn't get any easier. You just learn better ways of dealing with it, as you get older and gain more experience.
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