A
male
age
36-40,
*erryKapps79
writes:I am currently deployed and have been so since August 2009 i will be home in 2 months. This deployment has turned out to be very bad for my marriage. All the way up until January my wife and i were ok, we communicated positively and talked about a bright future together. In January she started bartending, which i was kind of sketchy about, but i understood she felt like working and my wife is a very hardworking independant women and up until that point she had never done anything for me to doubt her trust. The place she started working at is a very ghetto club to say the least but she enjoed it so i sucked it up and let her keep doing her thing because she was making good money and she said she could handle it. In february i discovered that my have had been talking to my friend in a very sexual manner online via email, and had been doing so since a month before i left for the deployment. I confronted her about it over the phone, and she told me that she was lonely and, that before i left she did not like the way that i treated her said that i did not show her enough attention. We both agreed that we wanted to work it out. I went on leave in March abd needless to say the first four days all that we did was fight. I constantly felt insecure and had great feelings of distrust for her, she had guys texting her through out the days that i was home and would delete some of the messages that were sent to her. When i asked her why, she would tell me that she didn't want me to think that anything was going on that they were just friends and told me not to worry about it. I sucked it up the last 11 days that i was there and we actually had a pretty good time for the remainder of my leave. However when i got back over here er communicated pretty well and positive with each other. One day i discovered that she had added two guys on to her myspace account so i asked her about them, she got very frustrated and defensive. Since that day we have been very up and down she is very distant as of late, and she barely tells me anything anymore. She doesn't even answer my phone calls half of the time. I really need some help on how to fix this?
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male
reader, bootleg12 +, writes (31 May 2010):
Dude been there. A few words of advice.
1.prepare yourself for the worse. While I know you are looking forward to a great reunion, be prepared to learn things that you aren't comfortable with.although you plan on working it out be prepared for the worse.
2.during reintegration go see a counselor. There are some very complex things going on. Go see a professional.
3.give her a little space and reassure her of your feelings. Stop asking her about other dudes(I know this is tough but continuing this will only drive you nuts). 2 months is not a long time. You have sucked it up this long let her know that and be sure to tell her you will work at being a better husband when you get back. This is kind of sneaky but get family and friend involved to help keep her focused on your relationship (and help the 2 months go by faster).
4.relax. Handle the business at hand downrange. The last few months is when things happen. Focus on what you are doing there. Maybe get a few relationship books in preparation for counseling back home. But do you Job there. Read a few things to help improve yourself as a husband(since she mentioned you had issues before you left).
Best of luck.
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