A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok this sounds really messed up but please keep an open mind when reading.i was talking to this guy we'll call bob. we talked for about 2 months and got verry close told eachother everything and he was leaving for vacation. well while on vacation he got shot in the head but is ok and recovering. so he never got to come home as planned. well he is married BUT seperated. he had a g/f for 4 months before me and i knew her we worked together all of us well not his wife but his ex g/f. well when i went to see him where he got shot at his wife was there. she was lieing to me right to my face telling me they were trying to work things out the past couple of months and just lie after lie and i kno for a fact shes lieing because i was with him everyday we stayed together and she was telling everyone he was staying with her?? anyways so as his wife she was able to make all the decistions for him while he was knocked out and therfore i wasnt aloud to visit. she didnt know i was his g/f i told her i was just a friend because i didnt want to sturr up unessissary drama. well i got to talk to him finally about 2 weeks ago on the computer but he doesnt remember much because well he was shot in the head. so he believes his wife of course witch makes perfect sence and shes verry convincing. i dont want to tell him how big of a liar she is because y should he belive me even if its true. he told me he loves me and misses me and he remembers me but not everything we did or everyday. but he doesnt remember the girl he was seeing before me?? well he came home finally yesterday. and he said when he gets acess to his phone or a computer he will call or write and its driving me crazy knwing hes right down the road and i cant see him because of his wife. also his wife had his phone because she was talking about it as the hospital but she told him she didnt kno wher it was witch makes me even more mad because just a week ago someone texted me from it pretending to be him and when i treid calling no answer and now the phone is shut off. so she has completly changed his life and is trying to force him back into hers. i cant take it i love him soo much and he tells me theese past two weeks im all he thinks about and he doesnt want to be with her but he doesnt want to be inconciderate for she has helped his a great deal with his recovery. please give me some advice what should i do i think he needs to kno all this but im scared he wont belive me and he will think im just trying to get his wife out of the picture. witch i dont think would be such a bad thing lol but u get my point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell thanks for the advice, and i must say not to be rude but i think the female reader who is laughing at my "tale" is quite inconciderate. Plz dont give advice if all ur doing is pocking fun of my situation. And they were SEPERATED he didnt cheat for the final time. They didnt live together, they didnt see eachtoerh, it was officialy over. And when he got shot she came to his aid and pretended like none of the brakeup happend. Yes it is a messed up situation thats why im asking for help. And for the rest of the aunts thank u so much for your advice.It has helped greatly. I talked to him today and told him very soon he will have to make a decition because i am and always have been a very strong women and this has been carried on for too long. I am willing to fight for whom i love. Only if i feel they are doing the same and well i am at the point where its her or me weather he believes me or not. I kno he will follow his heart and thats all that matters to me. it was great before he got shot but things happen and people change hes still slow and i have been there for him but time has passed and now he needs to see whats in his heart and i'll let u kno how it goes. Thanks again:)
A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (8 June 2010):
Oh and what do you mean he does'nt want to be inconsiderate? he already is being incon, you can be his bouncing ball. and he just happen to lose his memorie and maybe he did? it seems to me from what you say he remembers alot! stop making excuses for him. you say you are only 21 and hes 28 i know i was not grown up until i was 30 im telling you, you will look back later in life! and think gosh i was stupid or when you find a real man who is real good 2 u!!! then you will know true love and its not just about fireworks and seeing stars or feeling all giddish inside. you work at relationships! and yes you have ups and downs but at least you know who has you're back! oh was that what sandra bullock said!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): what a tale, and it is a tale:
so your lover is married.
he had a gf while married and this gf worked with you.
now you have hooked up with him.
his wife is a liar and she is plain evil and she is just the witch isn't she.
and he doesn't remember his ex lover or that he cheated on his wife and he is not cheating with you on his wife.
damn you sure think this is complicated , isn't it?
if i am not careful i am just wet myself from laughing so much.........
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (6 June 2010):
Let him know you are there for him! but there is only so much you will tolerate. don't be afraid to speak up be honest w/ him and who you are! i mean there are feelings involved her'e you either figure it out or you don't. i mean i would not put my life on hold and should'nt have too!
i really don't understand any of it? true love and friendship is everything and you stand beside one another and you go for it, relationships are'nt easy but what is.
you put alot of yourself into it and you build on a relationship it does'nt come easy and when you work at it thats what makes yours special you build a bond and become closer!!! and nothing comes into between you 2. but to me being honest is a big part of it and who you are, and you will see a difference between u 2 and if he does'nt appreciate it well i would kick him to the curb, and move on..... then i guess you are not that special to him. and as far as that woman is concerned i would let her know where i stand who is he to start something w/ you and now you are suppose to shut your mouth and she is not to know who you are? oh no way honey iam a very proud woman and like who iam and that is not to let some man tear me down for the hell of it. remember it takes 2 to make a good healthy strong relationship.
GOOD lUCK!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): Boy u r in a traingle what a mess, there is nothing you can do? but wait you don't need to upset him with all thats just happened. and you have to trust his judgement, he will c through her? and if he does'nt i mean what do you do! you can either fight for him or not and i think either way you might lose him. so if you are willing to fight for him and knows he loves you truly: then get your ducks in a row and have proof of what she is all about. maybe call her and act like you want to talk to her in public!! and talk to her and suck up tell her you understand that she loves him and is trying to work things out and that you will step a side but try to get her to admitt some things that you know but in a good way take a recorder and don't ever let her know you taped her! play it for him and and if he realizes what kind of person she really is, tell him not to let her know either that she was taped. i understand iam w/ the guy i have been w/ for now 9 yrs when his EX- did'nt want him until there was another person w/ him and she tried everything she could to break us up and of course he wanted nothing to do w/ her and i trusted him fully. and let her run mouth and never let it get to me. there was no reason too! because he either loved me or did'nt and if he would of went back w/ her well i look at it this way his loss my gaine, i wont and should'nt fight over a man they either love you or they don't and nothing should not ever get in the way.
GOOD LUCK!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnoo but i cant do anything for him untill he comes back home its such a mess he is leaving her though idk when but he told me he was. he said shes driving him crazy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni will def be there for him he leavs tomarro:( im so greatfull to have him in my life it is hard because he is slow but so strong and i know he'll do just fine with his surgery. and be back to himself in time. ur advice has really helped thank u so much i love my aunt:))
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes he yells me he loves me and ya this has affected him mayjorly he still a lil slow and he hets his skull put back in in 2 weeks!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni understand what u all are saying but call me stubborn i love him so much and for me thats huge ive been in many relationships with all typs of guys i wish u could meet him u wouldnt think this way hes so honist with me about everything but ive only loved one other man and it was the father of my kids of 6 years."bob" is everything ive ever wanted ina man. he loves kids witch is great and hard to find for someone my age but he is a bit older hes 28 im 21. he cares so much for the people around him and he loves his wife and cares for her a great deal but he isnt in love with her anymore and she knew this for he had told her and yes she was ther for him after the accident after knowing he wasnt in lov with her and like i said before she is forcing herself on him when hes not all there as if i wouldnt have droped my life to be ther for him and aid him back to health but i didnt have a choice i wasnt aloud. and if none of this happend we wouldnt be in this situation we would be together and happy so my ? isnt weather i should continue to talk to him because i def will its not about him leaving his wife nessissarily because he already did that its about getting him to remember his life before the accident so we can go back to how it was before he left. i appricite the advice i really do and i see how u think this. but i would have to explain in a better way the situation which isnt my best thing im not great at ex. things but i tried. so please once again give me more advice even if u think i wont like it i still want to hear your opinion now that u know the situation a lil better.
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