A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, This is probably the most awkward and most frustrating problem i probably have had to deal with my whole life.I Will start it off by reciting the story. I moved to the US at age 2 and i was born in South India ( Kerala). I usually go to India every 4 years and stay for 2 months with my mother's side. My fathers side, i usually visit for around 3-5 days and then go back to Kerala because they live in a different part of india. This is because i usually only go with my mother because it is hard for my dad to get leave from Work.The last time i went was at age 154 with my mom. This time however, at age 18, i went alone. I stayed for 2 months with my mothers side and originally had planned to stay with my fathers side in Madras for 4 days. This is when the story starts. I went to visit my fathers side and i was never very close with them. My dad's sister has 3 children. a 16 year old girl, a 8 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. At first me and the 16 year old girl (fake name-Sally) were not close but in the 2nd and 3rd day of my visit there, we became very close. I am a physics major and she had physics problems and i spent like 2 hours helping her study for her exam. Eventually we started talking about a lot of things. Then later that day, we went out in the Auto rickshaw(indian taxis) and while sitting in the auto with me, her, and her 8 year old brother, she started holding my hand. I also held on. Then she kissed me on the cheek. This is when i started wanting to spend more time with her. I would constatnyl stay with her only and sit with her on the bed. She would sing and talk and study and i would sit along with her. I was never bored and i was literally in love with her. The first time i felt so strongly. Then the 4th day came, ( the day i had to leave). I instead requested an additional 5 day extension and those 5 days were just pure awesome. I used to daily wait for her to come from school and then sit and talk with her. Laugh and at times she used to sleep on my lap. We used to hold hands all the time. I used to put my arm around her and these little things continued.FInally, the day arrived when i had to leave and i had to say i was pure heart broken. She had literally lied about having headaches and migraines to miss 2 days of school to be with me at home. After i left on the bus, she told me the next day that she could not sleep at all. She was thinking about me all the time. The coincidental thing was i was also thinking about her all the time. So every day since then, i have called her and talked to her about 3 times per day. We laugh, cry, and she says how much she misses me and how much she wants me to come hug her and hold her hand. I have no idea what this is but i also feel the same way. I am depressed being away with her. What is going on? she is my first cousin but i think i am in love with her.At times, she does not want to talk to me though. Like if i would call, she would sometimes give it to her brother saying (ok talk to Bill(fake name of 8 yr old brother) i have not had many chances to fully say my feelings and i feel scared that if she thinks of me in a brother like way and i think of her in another way, our relationship can be ruined. She is 17 by the way. Sometimes i feel like she is sweeping me but i have no idea. At other times, she braeks down and says how much she misses me and how much she wishes i could stay with her and why god had to separate us. I have written her an email every day but she has only written me like 3. She makes excuses saying (i am busy, i forgot, etc) but i make sure to write her an email everyday.Are her feelings a sister-brother love bond or are they more. For me, they are something serious. i Really think i fell in love with her. I constantyl stare at her picture and remember her throughout the day. No distraction can stop me from remembering her. I wait till 4 everyday to talk to her. But the problem is that she sometimes does not want to talk to me with the same intensity that i want to talk to her and that she still is too lazy to email me. I barely have known her so that sibling feeling that most brothers/sisters have is not that present (in my opinion) I mean seeing her for every 4 years for only like 4-5 days? This is the first time i really had a chance to be close with her.She also says that she just wants to see me again badly. She says she cannot wait a whole year to see me but how she acts at times when i calls sometimes gives me mixed feelings. I am scared to confront her and ask her about her feelings. I also say "i love you" to her on the phone after saying bye but only a few times does she say "i love you too" other times, she just says "bye" and disconnects.What should i do?At times i feel like jumping off the building if i cannot be with her. Please help me out...ThanksAny advice would help me out. I feel suicidal at times
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSigh its been a while but i have the same feelings.
i thought it would lessen somewhat but no.
Ok, heres an update on this
So far its been around a month since i last posted. Its been a month since i came back from India.
Both good news and bad news.
First the good news-
When she wants to talk to me she gives me a "missed call"
that means when she wants to talk to me and stuff, she calls my US number and then turns it off after 1 ring. So i see the phone call and i call back on my cheap calling card. (international calling is expensive except on these calling cards from the dollar store)
So basically, i call her around the time she goes to school (7-730) in the morning. We talk for a bit. not long though because she is getting ready and such for the bus. However, she gives me missed calls the past 2 weeks as soon as she gets up since she is alone at that time. she gets up around 5-6 AM to study a little and as soon a sshe gets up, she gives me a missed call. So far every day (around every day, 1 or 2 days we might) we have been talking. but a lot more than i expected and for some reason it feels GREAT!.
every time i see a missed call from her number, i just feel so happy
at times, i just wait, browsing email/facebook such and constantly Looking at the phone, waiting for the 1 ring and the Missed call to call back ASAP!
i even get up early( around 5 in the morning) and im a College boy living in a dorm. really, it seems like i would do anything for this girl and ive never felt this way. I'd rather talk to her than my parents.
I thought after a month/going to my job/classes, hanging with friends. the "love" would close off or at least lessen but
constantly i still think about her. it seems like my whole life still just waits and lives for her. At times when im alone, i just constatnly think about the memories we shared and just look over all the pictures of her and me.
i have dreams, sometimes very frequently(no idea how those dreams work) but most of the time its about her.
this feeling, this happiness
i just dont know
i basically feel like i live my whole life currently just to talk to her for 30 min-1 hour every morning and night.
Is this "love" or an infatuation.
at times i feel this is unhealthy.
im ruining my whole life for this relationship
distracted in class
distracted when studying waiting for her call
thinking about her all the time
ok
this is the bad news-
i talk to her sometimes and at times i feel like she has feelings. this one time i was like "im alone in my room just studying, bored"
she was like "i wish i was there with you too"
i mean what does that mean?
and at times she is like "i just want to see you again"
she calls me all the time and she has also admitted she thinks about me a lot.
but still i sometimes you know try to get her to express her feelings but it feels surpressed. I dont know what to say. is she scared?? please help me out
like the other day, i was like "i miss you so much.. i love you so much. i want you to know that i will always be there 4 u"
she was like "what am i supposed to say"
when she says these kinda things, i feel kinda hurt you know?
at times she feels so emotional and i think the feeling is mutual.
other times she just brushes me off or it appears to be like that.
PLEASE
help me
i am just feeling depressed missing her
WHY DOES THIS HAVE To happen to me????????????????????////
Life doesnt feel worth Living.
Simple things i loved to do are not fun anymore.
I have no motivation to even go out and talk to my friends anymore.
I sit in my dorm room constantly, at times thinking about nothing.
Music i guess has been my savior from preventing me from jumping off and ending this Facade.
Really I know it may seem over a top but this is how i am feeling.
I do not know if any1 can relate but you know when you really REALLY want to be somewhere but you can't?
thats how it is for me.
Im tired of living this life. i wnat to be with the one person i feel that i am happy with.
Truth be told i am not happy at all when i am not talking to her (my cousin)
I wait for her calls/i frustrate over simple things like if she doesnt call me back or stuff.'
this past weekend, another thing happened. Its taking my toll
Last week, she called me every day( at least twice).
suddenly she did not call me since Sunday.
So till wednesday, she
had not given me a missed call.
Ya of course i got mad myself.
So in the end i was like, lets see how long i can go witout talking to her and how mad she will get if i do not call for a while. I thought, she would finally call me back within 2-3 days.
In the end it did not happen. She never gave me a miss call at all.
What happened??
All of a sudden
her calls stopped coming.
She usually has exams (every saturday)
so it is not cause of school.
She used to take a tleast 5 minutes of her day to give me a missed call but it stopped all of a sudden.
What did i do?
i eve nasked her today and she was like "nothing nothing, i am just busy"
but i know something happened to her.
I am just worried she lost interest in me all of a sudden.
i am feeling depressed out of my wildest dreams.
I dont have any motivation to even go to school
At times i feel, the biggest mistake ever in my life was visiting India this summer.
If i never met her, none of these problems would occur.
Really Why?
Why does this have to happen to me.
Because of her, my Life is headed downhill.
I just want it to End.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBooshfan the question is how exactly i approach her with the question
I do not want to be awkward and lose any of our relationship because of this question...
also bernard, yesterday i talked to her for an hour and she literally said that she was thinking about me all the past 2 days because i had not called and she could not stop crying in the night because she thought i had forgotten about her.. This is about 4 weeks since i last saw her in real life and 1 week since i webcammed with her over the internet.
It is the same for me.. the love i have for her has not faded at all. THe majority of time spent in my days have been thinking about her.
I just feel so weird. I know that if somehow we both like each other, it wont go anywhere. My moms side of the family already dislike my dads side of the family. If we subdue a relationship, all hell will break lose. They all like me, but my mother's side will probably never talk to me or at least i will lose a lot of respect from them..
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A
male
reader, Booshfan1  +, writes (13 August 2010):
Just talk to her, ask if she sees you as a big brother or as something more but don't be as blunt as that. Now here's where the after part comes in, if she says she sees you as a brother then you shouldn't be upset about that and go jump off a building, no no no, you should be glad that she sees you as someone she can depend on and who she cares about. However, if she says that she sees you as more than a brother then you can tell her how you feel the same way, and what you do as a result of this information being found is up to you, you could try and get your relationship with her progressing. Hope this helps. (and I repeat DON'T jump off of any buildings, ok) ;-)
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