A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What would cause someone to have constant feelings of anger? I'm angry all the time, and not sure as to whether I should talk to anyone about it. I worry that my friends would think I'm a horrible person and that my parents would worry about me, and they're far away and not in a position to comfort me.I might as well face it, I'm always angry! I constantly have angry thoughts. For example, I become crazy angry whenever I see couples, and the boyfriend is being loving and romantic with the girlfriend, I start fantasizing about metal baseball bats. I would never do anything violent but I fantasize about breaking the girlfriend's face to pieces (ANY couple, even if I don't know them). It makes me angry to see guys being loving and romantic with their girlfriends. When I see a mother with a baby, I don't think... ''oh, what an adorable baby...'' I can't relate to those feelings. Seeing mothers with babies irritates me (I don't have children, I don't hate children but don't think I want any of my own). When I see a baby girl, I think, ''Great, another future boyfriend stealing whore. Just what the world needs.'' I have slightly less mean thoughts when I see a baby boy: ''Oh man, people breed like rats.'' I don't wear these moods on my sleeve; I smile and act pleasant to people but I'm like an actress in a play or a movie. Deep down, I'm often overwhelmed by anger. It bothers me to think that my friends only know the facade version of me and that if people knew I was angry all the time... they might hate me.I've had some nice things... for example, I love my mother and father with my whole heart. They'd do anything for me... and I have friends whom I also love with my whole heart. Sometimes I feel guilty because all this anger causes me not to appreciate them as much as I should.Perhaps no one will believe this but I have a lot of love inside me (love and anger aren't contradictory). I think I would make a wonderful girlfriend but no one will give me a chance! Every time that I meet someone I like, some whore comes and snatches him up... the selfishness of these other girls makes me crazy. Every time I see a girl getting joy from someone I like, it makes me sick to think that she doesn't care if someone else loves him, and that it should be ME getting joy from him. It's tearing me up inside. It's completely unfair! I'm probably going to be judged for this, but I don't care what people think of me as these are my feelings.Thank you if you can help me.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 hi
you definitely need help. yes we can all get annoyed when we feel that life isn't fair to us, but your thoughts and feelings seem like a really over the top response.
have you thought about what it might be in your own self, your life, maybe even childhood or babyhood that could have caused this hurt that you feel? you say that you love your parents. are you confident that they love you or have there been issues around this? i only ask because you need to ask yourself WHY exactly you feel this angry jealousy towards people and children that you see are loved.
sounds like you may have a personality disorder see your doctor. i hope you can get help and have good relationships yourself in the future
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): Hi
You are angry and i think quite poorly mentally and emotionally ....not a healthy place to be...i think you need real help before you do something stupid. Nobody wants to hurt you and you should focus on this and you don't really want to hurt anyone.
good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): I have been very badly treated in life and also feel constantly angry and bitter. It is very hard to keep a lid on it so I know where you are coming from. My husband left me because he couldn't cope with the bitterness. i had a stillborn child and instead of me not wanting it to happen to anyone else and feeling their pain I was happy if it did happen to another person so they could experience the pain too and my husband could not cope with that side of my nature. I have undergone therapy but it has not helped at all and the constant tracing back to the root of the problem whatever it is has really not helped - just made me madder. To cope with my all consuming rage I just try to keep a lid on things. I don't like seeing happy couples or people with kids either, but I have accepted the fact that they are not going to go away. I tend not to put myself in places where I am going to see loads but that is difficult when you shop, go for coffee or eat out. I have a very senior job and have to curb my anger every day as peoples lives literally depend on me calling the right shot and behaving professionally and impeccably and it is bloody difficult. Deep breathing and not acting in haste helps. You are still young enough and you will not miss out. Time is on your side and you need to put yourself in places where you are going to meet the kind of guys you like. Men in particular hate women to be bitter, they really hate it and don't like you for it so don't come across like that when you are with them. Whatever you really think or feel just keep quiet. I am not saying bottle this up just keep it to yourself for later. Maybe some form of anger management or therapy would help you as we are all different so if it is upsetting you maybe give it a try. Relaxation and deep breathing can control the instant anger too.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 Anger is a symptom. It is not YOU! You hear your biological clock ticking away and the pendulum of life is just swinging back and forth in an endless monotony. You will have to investigate these symptoms of bitterness, fear, hate and anger. When did these symptoms start, through one issue or many.
We all get like this more often then we care to admit so you are not alone. For every married couple you hate, they may be looking at you thinking, "look at her, I hate her, she has all her freedom, no kids screaming at the grocery store, she probably gets a full night sleep, she's can date anyone, I'm stuck with my slob of a husband"
So when you have these thought, change your perspective.
And anger tells us to do this, anger means something needs to change. You think it means marriage and babies, but it may just mean to change the way you see things.
If you do want to find a RS and marriage and babies, nothing is stopping you, you can have it, you just need to be actively searching for it. Your job, career, education did not fall into your hands, you made choices and took actions to attain these things. So you'll need a game plan. Also use that anger towards a positive end. Going to the gym and burning it up physically or joining Green Peace or something along those line. Even creative writing or art work may be an outlet that may change your life.
Embrace the anger, don't fear it, express it in positive ways and change your perspective. But no, you are not the only one, not psycho, not going off the deep end. Think of it as a right of passage, the master will appear when the student is ready, get ready.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (6 May 2011):
...sorry I accidentally hit the "send" button too soon!
.
anyway as I was saying...
Anger is often an instinctive self-defense or coping mechanism, your subconscious trying to protect yourself from other intense negative emotions (like grief, shame, anxiety...).
It could also be a symptom of depression. For some people, when they've been hurt very badly or repeatedly, they show other symptoms of depression such as having no energy, feeling sad very often..and other people instead become irritable or angry.
since you say that your feelings of anger are triggered in particular when you see people being happy in romantic relationships (and babies are a product of happy romantic relationships, i.e. marriage), it could be that your past hurts and pain over being (so far) unsuccessful in a romantic relationship is being converted into anger as a self-defense of coping mechanism so you can avoid the intense pain of feeling rejected, or the insecurities or low sense of self-esteem you may have regarding romantic relationships. some times it's "easier" for us subconsciously to feel angry and bitter, than to feel a loss of self esteem or ashamed or guilty or other negative emotions that might actually be the root. But if the feelings of anger in turn make you feel guilty for having them, his can further erode confidence or self esteem and become a toxic vicious cycle.
It's good that you're recognizing that you're always angry, this is the first step towards healing. Many people do not recognize or admit that they have a problem that needs attention. Realize that you're not a bad person for having these feelings, try not to feel guilty, instead realize it's just your emotional brain telling you that you need to heal from something else and learn alternative skills (whether it's relationship skills, communication skills, or working on improving self esteem, or processing hurt) to cope with something or some thigns that have really hurt you in the past.
I strongly suggest that you speak to a counselor or a therapist, because anger is often a secondary emotion that's a "cover up" or self-defense for other deep seated unresolved hurts so it would help to speak with a professional who can help you figure out what those are and how to heal from them. You don't have to tell anyone if you're uncomfortable about them knowing about your anger. Therapists and counselors have confidentiality agreements. good luck.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (6 May 2011):
You are not a bad person, don't feel ashamed of your feelings of anger. In fact, you're doing the right thing of recognizing and admitting that you have these intense feelings of anger. And you're also doing the right thing of keeping it under control when you're around other people and not lashing out at them.
Feelings don't just happen for no reason, they're our 'emotional brain"'s way of telling us that something isn't right in our lives, that some basic needs are not being met.
Since your anger is not directed at any one person in particular, but is generalized though triggered by certain things, it could be a symptom of some deep sense of loss or unfairness, or shame. Anger in particular, is often a self-defense mechanism, it protects ourselves from intense feelings of hurt or grief and
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 Yes trust you gut, you should seek some counseling before the anger builds to an uncontrollable point. You're fortunate that you are lucid enough to realize there's a problem. Many times people ignore their problem until it's too late. Bless you for doing something before it's too late
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