A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years now. Most of it good, lately a lot of it bad. She is 43 and in the past year is when she really started getting bad with anger, mood swings and depression. One major issues is that she likes to go out with the girls to the bar about once a week or every other week which I have no problem with but when I pick her up I find myself in a minefield. Any little thing I say or do will set her off even if I have done nothing wrong, actually most the time she does something to upset me like making me wait 20 minutes while her kids are sleeping at home, they are 9 and 17 so its not like they are babies but I still don't like leaving them alone that late at night. Anyways, she will get extremely upset if I even just ask who someone was that she was hanging out with out of curiosity, guy or girl. I know many may think of this as a warning sign since she is getting defensive but I know and trust her enough to know better than her cheating on me. She has said some very mean things while drunk and it hurts but I usually let it go and get over it by the next day. Our bedroom life has declined lately and sometimes I can barely get a hug and kiss from her. I am figuring she is just getting sick of the relationship but am hoping that is not the case. With the drinking, anger and mood swings, is that a maturity issue or something along those sorts or could she be starting menopause? To answer any future questions, no she is not an alcoholic. She will have the occasional drink at home but only drinks this much when she goes out. Thanks for the advice.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 May 2012):
 So, she's not an "alcoholic"... only a "binge drinker"... the title should be of little importance to you.... the facts are the same.....
WHEN someone behaves differently (badly, in this case) when they have indulged in alcohol, then THEY must "man-up" and see that they are not in a good place in life....
I suggest that YOU look in to the likes of Al-anon... AND, sometime when you and she have not had anything to drink, take up this subject with her... and TELL HER that it is painful and frustrating to deal with her when she IS under the influence.....
Good luck...
A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (19 May 2012):
 Oh have I been there! It seems some women go on a boyfriend/husband hating binge when the are with their girlfriends. I have been told that that is not true and we do not even talk about husbands/boyfriends. Well that is far from the truth. I think a lot comparisons go on during the drinking, not directly with intentional malice but its there. Oh my husband does this, he does that and someone, one of the girlfriends is saying damn, my man is a real a—hole as he does not do any of that. I used to hate it when my woman went out because it is just as you said. Instead of Hi Hun, thanks for caring enough to pick me/us up, it is the silent treatment until you are alone (other girlfriends gone) then it is the “ I must demoralize my man as much as possible because he is not like Jane’s boyfriend!”What the heck? They do mature out of this and then their going out is a pleasure. I think it is a lot of factors. Women, just like men, want everyone to know that their better half is in fact the better half and you would not trade them for anything. Women remember better than elephants and when her girlfriend says something about something, it reminds them that you did not get her a birthday card five years ago, and through out the night it compiles. I do not think for a minute they really are trying to start a fight or get mad its just all the memories (bad only as no one has brought up good things we have done yet) have come back. Women, just like men are subject to alcohol. Some of us it affects good and some of us it affects badly, it just puts us in a bad mood until someone snaps us out of it. At 43 she should be on a better path, HOWEVER, she may have been hurt in the past and has a hard time dealing with it. Alcohol makes it worse and causes the depression to come out, and then come the anger. She knows its not you personally, its just that big pile of man baggage that she has. We have done this and that to her. You CAN help change the way the night goes. I always walked my wife into the bar and kissed her good bye. Always got several AH’s. Make the other woman talk about YOU by doing things like that. That starts things on a good note. Slip a note into something she will have to look into before the evening is over (not the wallet, she will not see that until she pays at the end of the night) and she will see it in front of her girlfriends and they will be impressed, hence you look better. I really do not mean do something fake like a “HI” on a post it, I mean like a post it that says, “Thinking of you and hope you’re having a GREAT time”, or something about her you love. Something that will change the mood of the conversation if it is bad. Doing so is almost like her being the only one in the office to get flowers “just because”. NEVER say something overly personal, other people are there. I have noticed though if you ask about a girl she is with it becomes, “is she prettier than me” and if it is a man, “you don’t trust me do you?” That is just a hard subject. You could ask if you really want to know, my suggestion is weigh it out. Do you really care? When you pick her up, CONTROL THE MOOD, a kiss, a hello, and I missed you, you would not believe what the kids did while you were out, they are great kids, and look what your youngest made. Find ways to control it so when the night is over she looks forward to coming home as much as she looked forward to going out. ALWAYS think about food, A LITE FOOD, offer something, many times they do not eat in the bar and need to eat, it’s a MOOD CHANGER!!! Just be you and no matter how moody she gets she will know that its not you, how can it be, look at how much you care. The mood will change over time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 Binge drinking is a problem, and that would come under Alcoholism. She could possibly be starting early menopause, but I have my doubts about that. It sounds more to me that there is a problem in your relationship. You need to get her to talk to you, to open up and tell you what is going on. If you don't want to leave the children home sleeping, is there any reason why your GF can't get a taxi home? You need to discuss this with her. Possibly she is worried about something that she hasn't told you about. Things will only get worse if you don't start talking to each other. She might be pushing you away, because she wants you to leave. You won't know until you ask. You deserve better treatment than you are receiving, so you need to stand up for yourself, don't sit back and take things as they are. Life should be more of the good than the bad.
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