A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my bf of four years and am now strugling and FREAKING out over whether it was the right decision. Would really appreciate some perspective away from my emotion.This was the deal... gay, together for five years, great loving relationship, living together, love each others company etc. He was perfectly content and happy and while I was happy there were two big issues for me....1) Intimacy. I couldn't express myself intimately or sexually. I would have to wait until he wanted to. This is harder than it sounds to deal with. I felt like my sexuality had been shut down.2) Socially. Large age difference between us and his reaction to me making friends, going out without him, or typing to people online made me feel so uncomfortable I stopped it all. I haven't had the sort of job you make friends in but would love to make some, especially some gay ones, but I know he'd hate that!They are the only issues. Since breaking up I am missing him like crazy and just want to run back. Everything else was perfect, and we really loved each other. I feel so alone now. I sort of didn't realise how much I liked him just being in the same house, the bits of chit chat here and there, and even watching TV together.I just don't know what to do. I don't know whether I should go back be with the guy I love and try and deal with the issues (which have previously always remained unresolved) or basically break both our hearts and stick to the choice to break up ????
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female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (6 July 2009):
Great news, best of luck for your future :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBelated thanks for your response. We are back together and hopefully we'll get through the issues. The next day after getting back together I went out to meet a friend so hopefully he will get used to me having a social life and will work on the intimacy stuff.
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (14 June 2009):
Your heart will tell you the truth and will lead you to the way your really feeling. You love this guy so surely you can work through the issues together maybe? Get the balance right, you both need space but at the same time you need each other (proven in the time youve spent apart) People let all the good things pass them by for all the wrong reasons, if you love him as much as you say then dont let that happen. Talk to him, your first issue you can work through together, its a huge step to take with anybody but its all the more special/worth it if you go through it together, you build up that bond that makes it out of this world, something you cant dream for just to share with yourself and that person. Explain to him how hard it is for you sometimes, how you struggle and worry that your affecting him, not wanting to hold him back from who he is etc. If he is genuine then youll have his support all the way.Your second issue is something you need to take control of, like i say the balance needs to be right. He needs trust and vice versa, this is meant in the nicest of ways but your both insecure people, throw that together and it clashes and sometimes it feels the love cant wrk through it, sometimes its not strong enough but if that was the case for you then it wouldnt still be so deep and intense right now. You said it yourself, there only issues, your love is enough to work through it, go ahead and do it before its too late. Love doesnt come around often any little issues you can sort to have a happy love life is worth it, however bad it feels now, do it for you both. Best of luck
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