A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do about my live-in boyfriend not getting a job? We have been together for nearly 3 years now. He got fired from his job in October for leaving the property, while on the clock of all things. He hasn't had a job for going on 5 months now. He has been collecting unemployment and working occasionally doing some painting jobs here and there under the table or golfing, cleaning his car and running around. He thinks since he has enough to get by that I have no room wanting more from him and that what he does shouldn't matter. Is he going to get a real job ever or is he a bum who doesn't care about getting anywhere or living paycheck to paycheck?! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses. Obviously the fact I wrote on here shows my concern for the situation & my dreaded feeling it won't get better & I got reinforcement from others that it is not just me... I think I will give him a chance with a time frame of getting a real job. He always says he wants to get a house & not live in an apartment anymore but he needs to prove it. I don't want to wait around for what I want in life forever. You all gave great advice. Thanks.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 March 2012):
 Without knowing your boyfriend, I cannot comment on his ambition.
In short though, you have reason to be concerned. You are currently supporting him and if you decide you want to start to raise a family, it brings into question whether he can provide for you and any of his offspring.
I think you need to look at his character. Leaving a job while on the clock is in essence stealing from his employer and pretty flagrant at that. I assume it was willful and intentional? He may have trouble finding new employment because it is hard to explain what happened at his last job to a prospective employer.
Unfortunately, it sounds like your boyfriend is taking advantage of your generosity and needs to grow up. Only you can take stock of his ambition and character and only you can make a decision whether this man will be able to be a good provider. Perhaps this is the wake-up call that you needed to make a positive change in your life.
I'd urge you to talk to him and express your concerns and make a decision on what to do next based upon his ACTIONS, not words.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I've always found that men are very tied up in their jobs... if they have no job they have no drive... and it feeds onto itself...
My fiance got laid off the end of January and he's just starting to look for a job.... it's been 8 weeks and it's getting to the point with me that I am getting concerned that he's not moving fast enough but it's finally happening...
I think you need to tell him that he's going to have to start seriously job hunting and finding full time work or he's going to have to pack and move out until he does.
Before you do that however, figure out how much time you are willing to give him till it's move out day...
let him know this time frame and you must MUST MUST stick to it. If you think you can cope without him LOOKING for a job for 2 weeks then tell him that he has that... to begin looking actively for a job... if he's not... then out he goes...
if he's looking and not finding... then you need to figure out if you will put up with that and for how long?
truthfully, he does not sound driven to work and I think if you stay with him he will always be the "just working enough to get by" kind of guy.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I get the feeling that he won't get a job, unless it falls into his lap! Maybe the time has come for you to take a look at what you really want. And is this the life that you really want?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 March 2012):
This is the sort of person I recommend moving on from. He doesn't sound like he's really depressed (which is different), but more like he is lazy to the bone.
Perhaps the time has come for you to look at whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who is, basically, lazy.
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