A
female
age
51-59,
*ygrlz02
writes:My 18 yr. old daughter's boyfriend likes to come over to visit, which we do allow but he comes over late when he works. We don't allow him to be here late when we have to go to sleep because we don't think it's appropriate for them to be left alone since we do also have a 13 yr old daughter. Since she has a 2 a.m. curfew, she leaves to be with him instead. I would much prefer her to stay home. Should we allow him to come over even though we have to go to bed and trust them all alone in the livingroom and that he will leave at 2 a.m? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mygrlz02 +, writes (24 November 2008):
mygrlz02 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses. I wish kids came with instructions but since they don't, I'm very glad that someone has created this site. After reading all the responses, I believe that I am doing the right thing. Last night was the first night we ran into this problem and that is why I posted the question. She took it well when her father told her that it was too late and that we had to go to sleep. She did go to his house and I felt bad at first but now I believe it's the right thing especially since I do have an "impressionable 13 Yr.old. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, _Princess_  +, writes (24 November 2008):
She is an 18 year old and she should feel that you trust her. It's very easy for you to forget what it was like to be that young. You should leave her be for a while and see whats happen. Im sure if you have bought her up right then she will know to respect your rules, but telling her at 18 what she can and cant do will just push her away and make her do what she's doing with her boyfriend somewhere else. Surely you would rather have her at home where you know she is safe?
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A
female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (24 November 2008):
 I wouldn't trust them for a second! They're young, unsupervised, horny teenagers. My parents weren't as strict with me as they probably should have been, hence the name samsMOMMY!
Will he leave at 2am? I agree with a previous comment, will your daughter make him leave? I guess it all depends on her, if she would make him leave and you trust her, you shouldn't have to worry. But most girls wouldn't make their bfs leave if he didn't want to.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (24 November 2008):
When I was 18, my bf would come over really late at night/early in the mornings too. And he would stay for so long. At first my parents would stay awake until they heard his car leave. But after a while they got tired and couldnt cope staying up till 3am each morning of the week so they made a rule that he had to leave by 11pm weeknights and 1am weekends. At first my parents would wait up to make sure he left on time, then they begun to trust us and as soon as my bf knew my parents werent waiting for him to leave, he would refuse to leave and he thought he coudl stay all night.
So in my opinion, can you trust he will leave at 2am? Well from my expeirence no, but it really depends on the guy. my ex bf wasnt a very respectful guy, but if your daughters bf is then he might be able to be trusted. it also depends on your daughter. if shes not like me, who didnt have the will power to make her bf leave, then making that rule could work.
I think that making that rule is fair. Although alot of people argue that since shs 18, shes an adult and she can 'do whatever she wants'- as long as she lives in your house, she has to abide by your rules and you are still her parents.
She might be angry at first of any rules and boundaries you set (i know i was!) but they are for her own good.at the time i never realised that but looking back now, i wish my parents would of been more strick with me, even though everyone i know said they were to strick since i was 18, but i wish they were firmer and made sure he would of left on time...to many bad issues evolved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): At some point you have grown up too much and forgotten what it is like to be an 18 year old. Unless you have brought up your daughter in some kind of strict religion, I would be fairly sure she and him are already sexually active with each other.
I guess it is difficult because whilst she lives with you, she should follow your rules, but then on the other hand at 18 she is starting to become more responsible and experienced in being an adult. If she is going to spend time with him regardless of it being your place, or his, then which place to do you prefer she be? Perhaps also try having a chat to her and see if she is having a sexual relationship and get her to respect whatever rules you want to have about it whilst she in your house. If you talk reasonably to her I am sure she will understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): YOU are the parents and you need to draw the line! After you are in bed the boyf should not be over, yeah sure shes 18... but shes still living in her parents house and needs to follow the rules that you have set. If you have to change from 2am...do it.
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A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (24 November 2008):
 Having been 18 with a boyfriend not too long ago, my answer to this is an emphatic "no." She is legally an adult and can make her own decisions about this...but as she is living with you, you retain the right to outline what she can and can't do at home. If she's been leaving to be with her boyfriend...what do you think they get up to by themselves? If you prefer her to be under your roof, that's commendable, but if you aren't there to keep an eye on them it's somewhat difficult to "trust" them. More so considering you have an impressionable 13-year-old in the house as well. Unless you have a really strong objection to her leaving the house to be with him, it's probably best to leave things as they are.
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