A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This weekend I had my girlfriend over and we fell asleep on the couch after a quiet evening and a movie. We are quite affectionate with each other but this was the first time we had slept together, we were fully clothed and have been dating for a month now. After a while she wanted to become intimate and when I wouldn't she became very hurt. I explained to her how I was feeling and how I felt about her. I tried to explain that I really liked who she was and did not want to jeopardize or complicate our relationship by having sex too soon. She has been wounded ever since and has been trying to explain it to herself ever since. She has now drawn the conclusion that I am gay. I know that she did not intend to hurt my feelings but this is not the first time this has happened to me.I feel like this relationship may be over. Is there anything I can do other than simply wait and hope she figures it out. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Myprince  +, writes (24 November 2008):
With all due respect, I totally disagree with 'qcumbrl'. Sex isnt everything in a relationship. Trust, am a very healthy straight guy but I waited 1 year 6 months before I had sex with my Girlfriend. At first she too wondered Y I had wasnt so keen but I waited for the right place and time to explain to her that I loved her so much that I wanted to build a relationship based on true love before we could have sex.... trust me, it was worth the wait. I once rushed into sex with (now ex) and later realised that I didnt love her after all.I totally agree with 'katatonik' and 'BunnieLovesYou'. you are a real gentleman.... I give you the thumbs up for at least caring enough about her to want to get to know her better. It's just unfortunate that it turned out that way. Her pride as a woman was/hurt... which is expected under the circumstances.My advice would be... sit down and talk about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Just tell her to try to imagine if your roles were reversed and she turned you down, saying she wasn't ready or whatever. Ask her how would she feel if you accused her of being a lesbian simply because she didn't want to have sex with you.
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A
female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 You sound like quite a gentleman and I'm sorry to hear that being honest and respectful has messed things up for you. If you haven't already, explain to her that you aren't gay and that her accusations hurt you, and understand that a lot of her need to justify this to herself is coming out of her own wounded self-esteem. She probably feels like she isn't desirable to you.
On the other hand, don't feel pressured to rush into anything physical with her just to make her feel better, first off because that's not being true to yourself and second because she'll probably guess you're only doing it to make her feel better. Ask her for some time to get to know her better and if she won't give it to you, you two may not be as suited for one another as you originally thought. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Have a nice chat over tea or coffee, at least something. Tell her you just didnt want to this early in your relationship. Get through to her that your not gay, but that you just didnt feel the need to.
Best of Luck
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