A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband kicked out our 17 year old daughter for dating a 25 year for the last 6 months. This was his decision. I have 4 other kids, he says it is her or him, either he will leave or she can come back. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 October 2008):
 Okay listen, she is lashing out at you because you are the "safe" parent, she can't do that to her Dad. Let her stay at her aunt's for awhile and try not to contact her too much, maybe the aunt help calm down the situation as well. You then spend the time with the Hubby and see if his attitude improves. You haven't lost anything here except some peace of mind. Dealing with husbands and kids is very stressful for mothers and teenage daughters can be a real bitch, figuratively and literally. Hang in there I think the dust just needs to settle a little bit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Thanks for your answers, I have made sure she is safe (staying with her Aunt)Only problems is now she blames me says i never helped her.I begged him not too i told him that if he does this she will only rebel more. I understand what this is like i did the same thing at her age. I agree that he doesn't see as a young lady, but at the same time he only think about his own anger. When my daughter cam home to get some clothes we had a row and she pushed me down and wad kicking and punching me over and over she broke my hand and then tried to cut her wrists( all this in front of her brothers and sisters)I'm at a lost here, I feel like I've lost everything. Now he is more determined that she will not come back he says she is dead to him . I'm just sad all the time and don't know what to do now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 October 2008):
Where is your daughter staying? Is she with the boyfriend, family, friends, or living on the streets? The first thing you should do is make sure she is safe. Your husband should have used his head but I'm sure in the back of his mind he is worried about her (it's HIS daughter, right?).If your daughter is doing okay then you can wait for your husband to calm down and realize that he screwed up. Then the fences may be mended between them.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (28 October 2008):
 Stand by your kids. besides he's a moron. kicking your daughter out is only going to make her end up living with the older guy..this happend with my sister 17 and he was 37. my father called her a whore and basicly forced her out.My father being the appressive dictator that me was Demanded that we ' the family ' cut off all ties with her and have nothing to do with her. as much as my mother wanted to be a good wife by standing by her husband, she supported my sister in her choice.later my mum and dad got divorced and she's never been happier. my Father tried using emotional blackmail on me to stay with him..myself and my sister haven't spoken with our father in over 10 years.Long story short. if your husband was a decent humanbeing he woulnd't have done this to her Nore would he put you in a situation to choose.You can survive on your own. and you will. my mum broke it off after 25 years of marriage.Let the prick leave. he doesn't own you. don't be scared of him. 9/10 the women are awareded the kids in court battles, you have more power over him than you realise.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (28 October 2008):
 I don't believe it was the smartest thing to do when your husband kicked out your daughter. Typical teenagers do tend to do the opposite of what they're told; ie. her older boyfriend will probably be supporting her at his house rather than your own - which would surely be the safer option from a parents perspective.
I think you should talk with your husband - as I believe he was being unreasonable. I don't know how it is in the US, but in the UK, everything relationship wise is legal from the age of 16. She'd be doing nothing wrong. You should talk to your daughter and let her know you're there for her. If the relationship doesn't work out, she'll need her parents to fall back on and let her know she's accepted no matter what.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (28 October 2008):
 I totally agree with Emilysanswers on this one.
Yes men react in such extreme ways as he no longer sees your daughter as his little girl. She is now a woman who has been seeing a guy who is older than her and more experienced so his perception of what they get up to together is completely irrational.
She lied to you both and that hurts so he has reacted in the only way he knows how.
To make you chose between them is so hard and you need to get yourselves into some sort of counselling as this could totally affect your relationship.
Make sure you know where your daughter is and how she is coping, be there for her as her moral support and make sure she is safe. Go and have coffee or lunch with her and see if she is happy with this new guy or not. Tell her you will work on her dad so that they can salvage their relationship as it will not be easy to build the bridges again, it will take time.
Your husband has to realise that you will still have contact with your daughter as you would not be much of a mother if you dropped all contact with her.
Tell your husband you need to know she is safe and well and you will stay in touch with her as things are still very raw right now. Tell him you understand his reaction as she obviously lied to you both but that you still love your daughter no matter how much she lied as she is part of you both and you cannot turn your back on her as you brought her into the world and the love cannot be turned off because she did something wrong, OK this is a biggy I must admit but men always react differently.
I was 21 when I moved out of home to go and live with my bf and my dad went ballistic. He told me at the time that I was not welcome back in the house and I thought he was going to hit my bf at the time, he didn't but it did affect him badly, I was welcome back and yes we did rebuild our relationship but it wouldn't have mattered who the guy was it was just the fact that I left home and went to live with a guy.
I also moved out before my sister who was 3 years older than me so I was the baby in his eyes.
Take the baby steps on this and don't rush it, make sure she is safe and well and she knows you are there for her as that is all you can do right now. You have other children to consider so you have to be strong right now.
Let us know how you get on with him and think about some counselling to.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Well, your daughter did do wrong for dating a 25 year old but theres no reason why he should kick her her out. If he was your husban and he really loved you and you wanted your daughter to come bck he would let her come back for you, maybe he doesn't love you properly. I think you should get your daughter back and kick your husband out. I'm sure you'll make the write decision.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 October 2008):
Make sure she knows you are there if she wants to talk and will help her talk to her dad if she wants some support.
To be honest, kicking her out so she is forced to go and live with him was probably not the brightest move on your husband's part.
She is even more likely to stay in a bad relationship / get pregnant or something if she thinks this guy is all she has in the world.
Talk to your husband and then try and get in touch with her. Be a go between.
Good Luck!! xx
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