A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Im 13 and i'm dating a 19 year old.. my mum knows about it but i don't know whether its illegal. I'm VERY mature for my age and normally go for older guys, but he's the oldest i have ever been with. Were not in a sexual relationship. I've told him i'm not doing anything like that as i know thats illegal, and he respects my views. We agree on everything and when we first got talking it was like there was an instant connection. I can tell him anything, and he talks to me like i'm his age. He says he's not bothered about sex and he rarely brings the subject up, does it matter that he's 6 years older? i know some people think its bad, but really, age shouldn't really matter, its whether your mature enough really, I want another persons advice on this so please, answer back as soon as possible and tell me what you think, any feedback, i just need to know. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): hii...
well, first of all, it's not illegal. you're not having sex, and your mother knows about it...and i'm guessing that she is okayy with it since you're still with him.
someone mentioned before me that this guy could be arrested if anyone thinks that he has been sexually involved with you. this is not entirely true--as long as you can prove that you are still a virgin, you should be in the clear (i've done the research; i used to date a guy who was quite a bit younger than me).
HOWEVER, i do agree with that peson when they tell you to be careful about growing up too fast. you're just beginning your teenage years, and he's got adulthood looming directly in front of him. basically, you're at two different places in your life. you are still able to be carefree and have funn, while (if he's smart) he's having to start thinking about how he is going to support himself and things like that. and, of course, he's bound to be more experienced in relationships than you are. i honestly don't think the age difference is a big deal, because love isn't about how old you are. however, i do encourage you to be careful. ")
good luck, and God bless,
~sarsar~
A
female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Let me get this straight... You haven't even entered highschool yet and you're dating a guy who's already graduated? Bad idea. For many reasons. For one, you two are at VERY different stages in your life. I know that it seems like right now you two have a lot in common and SO much to talk about, but that's how it is at the start of every relationship, friendship or romantic. As you progress through, well, puberty, you're going to change. Not just your body, either. Your outlook, your priorities, your goals, your entire being will change. It doesn't matter how much you don't want to. Being mature at thirteen doesn't mean you're ready for an adult relationship. I was mature at thirteen, but that just meant I avoided sex, drugs, drinking... highschool, really. I was at no point ready for a serious relationship. At seventeen I got into my first serious relationship, and that fell apart quickly right before my eyes after two years. This guy you're dating may not want sex from you now, but he's going to go to college (if he's not already) and he's going to be exposed to a different kind of life than highschool could provide for him. He's going to mature and change as well, and you'll both be going down COMPLETELY different roads.To answer your question: Yes. It is illegal. It doesn't really matter if you're having sex or not. If your mother somehow changes her mind about your relationship, she can easily get him thrown in jail. He makes a move before you're ready and you tell a soul, he's thrown in jail. It's too risky. Take the advice people give you and steer clear of this one. It'll be better. I promise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Honey, there are two totally separate issues at play here. First is one of sex (of any kind) and statutory rape. If he touches you (or anyone THINKS he has) he can be arrested and prosecuted as a sexual predator, which is a felony in every state and will ruin his life. You make one fake claim and his life is over... personally, I would NEVER want a 14 year old who I started dating at 13 to get pissed at me and turn me in for having sex with her. Very risky on his part... you may love him now, but what happens when he grows tired of dating some who still has recess when he wants to go out drinking?The second thing is that this is likely to really mess up your development as a young woman. I know this from personal experience. A very dear female friend of mine started dating a really great guy when she was your age. He was model material (I've seen the photos) and was a single dad. She helped raise his son, who became very attached to her, called her "mommy"....She grew up fast, fast forwarded past the normal HS dating stuff, and right into what she thought was a long term relationship... which it wasn't. He eventually grew tired of her and broke up with her. She had to move back in with her folks... and for the next 10 years couldn't find anyone to date because none of them compared to this guy.This is a smart, educated, hard working girl (pretty too!) who didn't date because she was still chasing her ideal man. Today she's still unmarried... great job, still great looking, just totally unable to have a successful relationship.You need to proceed with caution, not because he is likely to want to get into your pants, but because this is going to seriously mess with the natural progression of growing up.Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): If you're dating him then I don't think it's a good idea. No matter how mature you think you are- believe me you are not mature enough to date a 19 year old. You are just entering adolescence and you're still really a child at this stage while he is entering young adulthood.
To be friends, with no sexual relationship, this would be ok, to date: no it's not a good idea. It's not the 6 year difference so much as where you are in your development.
If I were your mom, I would say no to this for sure.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 As long as you both arent having a sexual relationship then no it is not illegal at all. Age shouldnt matter in a sense but just remember that no matter how mature you are he is still at a different stage of his life than you. In saying that no you are doing nothing wrong so dont worry about it and if people have something bad to say it is there problem not yours.
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