A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The last couple years was a life changing experience for me. I lost more than a hundred lbs of weight, leaving me with lots of hanging skin but only in the stomach and thigh area to the point that I couldn't wear a swim suit. It was a huge decision for me, but with great support of my family and friends I finally decided to have a plastic surgery, such as lower body lift. My results are amazing. I have a completely flat tummy and my thights are not perfect, still cellulite here and there but no hanging skin anymore.I wear a type boy shorts swim suit to the beach and I look amazing to the point that I want to cry looking at myself now remembering years of being so unhealthy and horrible looking.My situation now is that getting lots of attention from guys for 9 months since surgery I can't make myself to have sex with anyone. Not that it happened very often for me before with being so much overweight, but now with having still fresh scars fro surgeries, I feel very much insecure despite my new body.My scars are very visible, they are still pink, it will take another year for them to whiten completely. The tummy scar is very thin and very low, I could wear the skimpiest bikinies now, but thigh lift scars are wider and go all the way between my thighs to my butt. Also, because it was so much strain in that area they widened in some places and look a bit wrinkely. I can see some places turn into white thin lines but it's a long road ahead of me before they will be like that. Also if It doesn't improve may I would need a revision to make them thinner. Because they are in such intimate place, though no one else sees them now but me, I feel extremely insecure about them.My girlfriends telling me that it won't be even noticeable if it will be dark in a room, as scars are in one level with skin, but still I feel like if I ever decide to do it, I ll have to tell a guy the whole story about me and why there are scars there anyway.. My friends tell me it's silly to even mention it to a guy before, but just go ahead with it. What if he sees them he'll get disgusted. I'm used to them now, but for someone who never saw scars in THAT area wouldn't it be a turn off for him?I don't know what to do. I m so proud of myself that I went through all of this with weight loss and surgeries, and now being so pretty outside with thin waist, and size 6 with guys looking at me and talking to me, I m so insecure about those scars that dpnt even let situation develop to a first date.I want to wait till my scars are hardly visible, at least until they turn into white line before I even start dating but my friends tell me it's just silly and I will waist another year of my life. any thoughts?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 You do not sound shallow. You sound like someone who is enjoying and perhaps a bit cautious about something many people have had and took for granted all their lives.
What you describe sounds very normal for someone in your situation. You don't need to justify yourself.
:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Thank you all for your responses. I of course would like to have serious dates, but I really wouldn't mind just some flings. I m at the age that I pretty much know what I want (30). I know that one day I d want a family may be another couple years, I ll be ready for a baby, but right now being through so much I just want to have some fun. Of course with a guy who is serious about me, I ll have no problem discussing with him my scars, and I m sure he wouldn't care, but with someone that I for example just met and we went on couple of dates, and we liked each other and we end up in bed, Nd then he sees my scars ....I must be sound very shallow right now, but I was fat my whole life, and while everyone around me were dating and had lots of sex, I didn't. Now, I feel like it's my time to have that fun too without rushing into anything serious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Thank you all for your responses.
I of course would like to have serious dates, but I really wouldn't mind just some flings. I m at the age that I pretty much know what I want (30). I know that one day I d want a family may be another couple years, I ll be ready for a baby, but right now being through so much I just want to have some fun.
Of course with a guy who is serious about me, I ll have no problem discussing with him my scars, and I m sure he wouldn't care, but with someone that I for example just met and we went on couple of dates, and we liked each other and we end up in bed, Nd then he sees my scars ....
I must be sound very shallow right now, but I was fat my whole life, and while everyone around me were dating and had lots of sex, I didn't. Now, I feel like it's my time to have that fun too without rushing into anything serious.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (7 July 2012):
There is no rush to date, but remember dating doesn't have to include sex.
Start slow. Build up your confidence gradually by going out on dates with different men. Real dates that is, to the cinema, the museum, out for lunch.
And I agree with your friends about not giving these men your life story. You're not a used car whose mileage must be declared before purchase. Making such a declaration screams insecurity which is a turn off for a great guy and a vulnerability to exploit to an unscrupulous one.
If these scars aren't obvious in the skimpiest bikini then they can't be that bad. A man is not going to have the shock of his life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Hey there! My mum recently got the same surgery as you on Colombia, her scar is quite beautiful a very thin line. Like you she must wait a year. I would not recommend you going into the beach or the sun because this is harmful for healing scars as they could change color and become permanent.
No man would complain about scars, i mena look at you, you must look quite beautiful and as the swelling comes down you will look even better. Every male with a penis and two balls will love you for your body, and trust me they wont ever care about a scar!!!!!
Dont feel like you have to tell them! If they ask tell them, if not then not :) Just keep youself motivated and grounded what ever makes YOU confortable! Trust me a guy worth your time wont care about some scars that will fade!!!!!
CONGRATS BTW! you must look beautiful!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): If you are working with a counselor, please discuss your insecurities at your next appointment. If you do not have a counselor, please find one who is conpassionate and specializes in working with individuals who ultimately seek to work through body image issues to gain self esteem and self-acceptance. (they may work with people who have experienced traumatic amputations, extensive burn/graft scars, or even eating disorders).
If you wish to cover up or mask the scars, please ask your doctor if you could safely apply a waterproof makeup to your skin to help mask the appearance of the scars. You may also want to ask if a spray tan (not the kind that reacts with skin, but the kind that is a spray on tint) could help.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 July 2012):
 Congrats on the major weight loss and the plastics.
I am one year out from my tummy tuck and breast lift… best thing I ever did… still need thighs back and butt done…
To be honest honey my scars are a year old and still very visible and red and even some are raised and I was religious about putting lotion on twice a day for the first year…
My partner who was with me both before and after surgery is fine with them… in fact he was the one who massaged the cream into them (doctors’ orders that he do it)
Men will not be disgusted by your scars.. you are overthinking this…
You should be proud!
DO NOT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD due to some minor scars.. and I know what PS scars are like I have them… GO DATE and enjoy…
And when you start getting close enough to a man that you want to consider letting him see your scars THAT’s when you talk about it… not on the first date or the third… take your time and get to know someone so that by the time you are ready to be intimate with him, he will kiss your scars and love them like he loves the rest of you.
I say this as a former size 26 now size 6 Gastic Bypass, pastic surgery patient… who met my partner after the weight loss but before the plastic surgery…. A man who LOVES YOU will love your scars.. they make you who you are…
WELL DONE!
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