A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. So, I'm sure this is going to be a bit redundant, as I'm sure others have asked similar questions in the past, but I really am confused and am curious as to what people think about my situation in particular. This is a book, unfortunately. I'm sorry it is so long!All right! So, I'm twenty one years old. I'm also a plus sized girl. Heck, I'll even admit my size! 22! I'm relatively confident and often think I'm pretty smoking hot, but I have never been extremely popular with the boys. I'd had a serious boyfriend a while ago, who I dated for over a year, but, after a couple of years of flying solo, I became restless and bored. So often I fell for guys who genuinely seemed to like me, but the fact that I wasn't conventionally attractive and was larger held them back (and I have strong evidence to believe that). Nevertheless, I decided to seek out guys who liked bigger girls. So, I started online dating.Before the current relationship in question, I had met two guys online and had very briefly dated one. Each time, I was super nervous about meeting up and doing the whole internet thing and I was so nervous the first time that I even felt like I couldn't be myself, but I still chose to not give up. I dated the one guy, but he turned out to be a bit of a jerk. After a few months of seemingly little progress, I closed my account and tried to focus more on the social dynamic of the real world. But a couple months later, I was faced with more rejection and decided to try the online thing again, but be very, very selective in who I talk to and meet this time. So, I made my account, but with no pictures and only a detailed profile. I wanted to be messaged based off of my personality and see where it went. After a few weeks of opening a new account, a guy, who I will call Chris, messaged me.At first, I was hardly interested in Chris. He just didn't strike me as incredibly deep, intelligent, or even witty. Though, I exchanged a few messages with him, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and, sure enough, we actually started to hit it off once some time had passed. He was sort of just shy. A few things stuck out to me about Chris: he claimed to be super interested in bigger girls, he never badgered me for pictures, and he never badgered me to meet quickly or exchange numbers. He seemed pretty cool and we even shared common interests and outlooks on life.Naturally, after sometime, he offered me his number and I figured "What the hell?" and gave him mine. That night he texted me and we began talking briefly every day on a regular basis. After a few weeks of this, he mentioned he was comfortable meeting with me and I requested more time, but after another week of talking, I decided I couldn't be shy or coy anymore. So, I agreed to meet with him in a couple of weeks.This past weekend, Chris and I met up. We have some distance between us. So, we met at a coffee shop at a relative midpoint. We chatted for awhile and then explored the town a bit. I was incredibly nervous and sometimes was a bit more silent than I would have liked, but I couldn't help it. It also didn't help that Chris was easily one of the most attractive people I had ever seen, let alone been acknowledged by. He did compliment me and said I looked nice. so, that helped. After spending a few hours together, I drove him back to his car and I figured he would leave, but he sat with me in my car for another couple of hours on his own will and we just talked about all sorts of things. By the end, I had opened up a little more and was a bit more outgoing and natural. There was a moment when he mentioned how he had noticed I type certain things in certain ways in texts and, when I said, "I do that?" slightly curious as to him noticing such a minor detail, he looked at me and his eyes lit up in such a bizarrely beautiful way. It was weird, haha. As we continued, I wanted to tell him how cute I thought he was and just how awesome he seemed. Though, I was way too scared. But it was starting to get late by this point and he said he needed to get going, due to the drive. We both said we had fun and he gave me a hug. When he left, I was so happy, but incredibly anxious. I felt it had went well and I had had plenty of fun just talking to him, but I began to wonder if my demeanor seemed like I wasn't interested enough and I quickly realized I hadn't said something to the effect of "Well, we should totally do this again" or whatever. I went home and the entire situation just made me nervous. I quickly realized just how into him I was and I didn't want to passively let this slip away. I kicked myself for not being more assertive.The next day came and I didn't hear from him, but he is sort of a shy, reserved individual. So, I decided to man up and make the first contact later that afternoon. I texted him and said I had a fun time and hoped that his drive was fine. He said he too had had fun and then told me a story about something that had happened to him when he got home. We had a brief exchange about that and then later an unrelated topic (this initiated by him). Today, I decided to play it cool and not say anything. He had messaged me a quick hello during the afternoon and I replied, but that was it. We sometimes have very disjointed messaging. So, it isn't that big of a deal, but of course I am obsessing and wondering if he isn't continuing the conversation for a reason of some sort... I'm being overly analytical and annoying. I realize this. I am trying to stop, but I just can't! I want this to work out and I am so very anxious!So, naturally, I am left wondering as to how to gauge his level of interest! Because I have been plagued with such bad dating experiences as of lately, I can't help but feel that this too will disappoint me. I need some tips on how to stay positive, how to judge what he is feeling, and where to go from here. I very much would like a second date and feel that, now the initial meeting is over, I can be myself more easily and relax more. Should I wait for him to initiate that or should I just jump in and suggest a second hangout? I don't want to seem entirely desperate, but I also don't want to seem totally disinterested. So, is he feeling me? Am I sounding psychotic? (This is likely, haha) Should I play the waiting game briefly or should I just throw it out there?Why does dating makes some of us look like absolute fools? I promise I am actually a decently intelligent and logical person... HahahaThanks for reading! I appreciate it! Have a great day! :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys! After reading this, I just sent him a text (I can't call, I'm in class, haha) and asked if he wanted to hang out next weekend. Your advice was a major confidence boost and the push I needed! Thanks! :-) If it goes well, I'll update further!
A
male
reader, pankaj.joy  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 hi
he seems to be Mr. nice guy
but one thing i wanted to tel u that you should cut down the list of your expectetions..nobody is perfect..
if he is shy...then ok just enjoy his behaveier ....love has many definations but it is more complicated when we think about it....and more exiting when we DO IT...
You can try to open him by teaseing him,asking foolish questions,anything you feel at that time just do it dont do over thinking,just flow with time enjoy every season of love..and about finding love i personoly know one thing..
with experiance..."Dont try to find LOVE............... let LOVE find you"
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 Just throw it out there and suggest a date that reflects your personality- what have you got to lose?
Seriously, if you have to play games to get him interested- then you'll have to play games to keep him... and still there's no guarantee of that working anyways. Just be your lovely self, have fun, laugh, flirt and either he's right for you or he's destined to make way for someone better.
Did I mention relax? :)
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (25 May 2011):
 The fact that you are nervous suggests that you two have chemistry. You should ask him if he wants to do something next weekend in order to give him a sign that you are still interested. Hang out again and see how it goes.
Relax. On your next meeting/date, if you are nervous, tell him you are. It'll boost his confidence and tell him why you might be a little shy still as well. Just be open and see where this goes.
We all get burned. What we learn from the burns is what we do and don't like in a mate, and getting back out there shows your strength and optimism. Don't be scared! Go girl go!
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