A
female
age
36-40,
*urninnburnin3
writes:Hello. I just started hanging out with a guy. He is really really cute and really nice. And though he does not send out this vibe, I feel like I am not good enough for him. My last relationship lasted for six years off and on. It was a terrible relationship. This relationship finally ended about four months ago. And I really like this new guy, but right now I am not ready for a relationship, but if it ever did progress to that I don't feel adequate to him. During the past six years I went through a really hard time and I gained weight, which as of right now I am trying to lose, but he is physically fit and I feel like I am below him. I don't know how to stop feeling like this, usually I am a very confident person. Anyone have any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Hi honey. Is this just about your weight? BEcause if it's ok to think that you're not good enough for him because of your weight, then that would imply that if he was overweight and you were not, he would not be good enough for you. But that's not right, is it?
It doesn't matter about your weight. Prehaps if he was out exercizing all day and you were inside eating your weight in doughnuts, there would be a problem. But even that wouldn't have to do with appeareance. It would have to do with intiative, percervearence and hardwork. In that case, one person who had those, would resent the preson who did not.
But that's not the case. You're trying to lose it you said. You're working on yourself to be a good, confident, healthy young lady and that is condemable.
Your ex has obviously made her feel inferior. But you may have heard that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Most people who come out of a bad relationship end up feeling less than good about themselves. But you can't let that happen! And if you spend too much time thinking that you're not good enough for him, it might affect your personality and who you are in a way that would make you less desireable.
You have to have confidence and learn to appreciate the things that you love about him AS WELL as the things that he loves about you!
I would imagine that haveing this attitude toward him all the time would become very irritating to him. You can't put him on a pedistool. You have to let him be himself without feeling guilty that you thinks he's too good for you or afraid of messing up and not being the perfect person that you think he is.
Just sit back and RELAX and spend more time ENJOYING the relationship and less time being afraid! You'll be ok!
~Sy.
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