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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: A long story short, I met this guy and were in the initial stages of dating him for about a month and a half. From my point of view, and those closest to me whom know about the whole ordeal thought that the so called "relationship" was going in a good direction. We contacted each other nearly every single day. Dated/spent time together nearly 2-3 days a week and texted/called each other everyday. I have more or less learned to judge people more by their actions and not simply on their words; which made me believe that he wanted to pursue something more. I based it on that we were spending as much time together as we did. He told me that he was really happy that we found each other. He introduced me to his best friends and their respective girlfriends (although we only "all" hung out together once). In shorter terms, he did things that made me think that he truly liked me.However, it's almost been two weeks and I've noticed that the contact has stopped and I don't know why. I haven't done anything and cant even contemplate if there were any signs that he was loosing interest up until recently. He initiated the large amounts of contact to which I returned. He was actively asking to spend time with me/check up on me. Even "hinted" that I was his girl and now nothing. But we never had an exclusive "talk" yet we were intimate with each other.The last time we had contact, I had alot going on in my life at the moment (a close friend had an heart attack, I had a health scare at work which resulted in a brief stunt at the hospital due to exhaustion and I was simply emotionally and physically overwhelmed). I didn't tell him this, but I pulled back a bit because I needed to recharge. So I didn't text or call him over a period of a couple of days. He eventually texted me, but I am afraid that I pushed him away and maybe he thinks that I'm not interested anymore.Now we don't talk but we still have each other as contacts on various social mediums (FB and the like).So it's not like contact ties have been completely cut off. If he didn't want anything to do with me I would assume that he would have deleted me by now. Those closest to me say that I should tell him how I feel even though the last time we talked was around Aug. 14th. To take a shot and see if there is something still there. But I don't know how and I'm not sure if he even wants to hear from me. I've fallen for him. Right now, I'm feeling as though that either I blew him off and or he's not interested anymore. Or that he was perhaps never interested to begin with.While packing to move, I noticed that I still I have an item or two of his. Nothing serious, more on the lines of books/dvds that he lent me. Could I use this as a reason to initiate contact with him again? If so, how should I go about doing it? Or should I be just as inconsiderate and leave the whole issue be?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I think it's still worth it. I don't think he would have added *kisses* if he wasn't interested.
And if he JUST started a new job teaching, I can imagine he's been pretty busy with school start up and all.
I would just CALL (no texting) and tell him you were putting DVD's away and you found his (or if it was more, a couple) and a book and does he want to meet up for coffee or come over for dinner or whatever you think he/you might wanna do.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 It's difficult. I'm also very shy (and insecure) and I know I would have walked away in this situation for self protection...But I think you two are dancing around each other a bit. He sort of invited you to his gig but it wasn't a proper invite. I think you may just have to go for it, ask him out. I get the impression that he's as shy as you are actually. Maybe one last effort? It's not often that we meet someone we really like, after all....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGah. I swear that guys have it more easy. The thing is, I had forgotten to mention was that the last time we had contact was rather sketchy. At the end of my "horror week" he texted me to see how everything was going on my end and asked if I was free the next day. The day after arrived and he texted me again to say that he had a gig that evening but never invited me. I didn't want to show up without him inviting me so I didn't go.
Made a point to contact him and ask him if he wanted to do something but he never got back to me over the weekend. I felt gutted but gave him some space. Still didn't hear back from him for a couple of days later -- until I initiated contact with him.
The last convo was me dropping him a line moreso:
"Hey you. Just wanted to say hi since it has been a while since we last talked. Hope your return back to the new job went great. Are you über-busy this week? Wanna grab lunch/coffee sometime? Let me know."
He immediately responded with:
"Hi. I'm so sorry I haven't called you. It was a busy weekend with my best friends from out of town. The new teaching job is good. Just met some of the new kids and it looks as though it's going to be a perfect fit. Kisses"
That was the last message I got from him 11 days ago. I haven't heard from him since and he didn't mention any interest in my offer. Is it still worth it? How should I pick up the contact again without it seeming awkward? Sorry that I seem like I'm completely bonkers. I'm just really shy and need to be more aggressive.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2012):
So you haven't really talked in what 11 days? Yea, I would call him about the dvd and see how he is doing.
You say you didn't do anything, but.. you did. You inadvertently pushed him away when the death and heath-scare came up, he had no idea. So call and talk to him..
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (25 August 2012):
I don't think he's being inconsiderate in not contacting you. You said that you pulled back a bit, but he clearly has no idea why! As far as he's concerned, he stopped hearing from you and then he initiated contact (not you!). He's not a mind reader, he doesn't know that you had things going on in your life. It doesn't mean he's lost interest, it would more likely mean (I think) that he feels you lost interest.
I think you should contact him and talk. Tell him you're sorry you dropped off the radar for a bit and that you were going through a hard time, but you'd like to see him. I wouldn't use the things of his you have as an opener or it sounds like you're dumping him ("here, have your things back, we're over!").
Don't over complicate this. You like him. Arrange to go out for a drink and a chat and see how it goes.
Hope it works out.
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