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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hey, I'm living in weird relationship and I can't end it! The fair of being lonely again is stopping me! My partner is someone younger that me in 11 years ! I'm 31 he is 20 The age would not be an issue for me if he was older , as my ex was 12 years older than me, but I feel it’s a big issue now as my bf is too young , he just turned 20, he likes me and he does not mind the age difference.I met him last summer in a beach party, he was 19 years old, we liked each other from the first moment , I found him so sexy , attractive and hot and I thought he would be a good for some occasional fun, that’s all , but things were developed so fast, we started seeing each other and I couldn’t resist him and stop this from happening ! he brought a life to my apartment ! I really liked him.But I have some concerns about this relationship, I never thought that this person would be my bf. I found him after being single for 4 years, I lived 4 dry years where no one was in my life ! ! I'm not lucky in relationships! I lived 2 unsuccessful relationships before! As I am getting older I am afraid of ending up lonely! These thoughts are always with me and I know this is not the right way of thinking or evaluating things! When I met my bf I liked him but I was sure if he is not the right guy ! I am a professional women who is more focused on her career, but he has a poor job. Since he is not qualified and he is not aiming to work on that ! no future intention to go the college or to change his job ! our lifestyles are completely the opposite! all he wants is to drink and do the teenagers stuff, I see him as a teenager! I feel that I’m his mom , he can be dirty sometimes, he does not brush his teeth, he has no interests in any good thing ! The thing is he is not talking any advantage ! he is not after sex or money ! all he needs is me ! I love him ! I miss him when he is away, I enjoy cuddling with him , I feel so good ! but I feel this is not right ! There are no common things between us, If I tell him about my job, what’s on the news, other cultures and other important stuff but he is not there, he won’t be able to understand or to get engaged in the conversation and the things that he talks about it or too silly for me ! such as, alcohol , parties and action movies, etc ! He comes and spends the weekends with me, all he wants is to go clubbing , he sleeps until the afternoon! I don’t do this stuff in the weekend! I am after a romantic dinner, exercising , coffee with friends and good movies ! ! I like day time activities and he does not ! ! there is nothing common between us ! but I love him We do not talk because there is nothing to talk about! I feel that I can't introduce him to my friends or family, This would look strange for them and they would ask me who is this ? what are you doing with this young boy !! ! I don't wanna sound an awful person but I cant ! I don’t want to be seen in public with him, one time he wanted to come to my workplace but I told him , No, don’t , I have some meetings outside the office I don’t wanna be seen dating this person ! my image is important ! this sounds rude ! but this is the reality ! Should I end this relationship! as I feel this is not going to go anywhere ! and he is young and he might dumb me at any time as he still immature and he would have more dating opportunities ! I feel that he is not aware of his feelings and this is another big issue! I`m just writing my thoughts and feelings but this is what I am going through ! I hope I was able to express my point
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): I don't see any problem with this if you are only interested in something casual
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2015): I don't think you LOVE him, you just lust after him whichis totally ok, unless you are thinking way too muchinto this.
I would advice to enjoy it while it lasts. You have this hot guy who you have plenty of sex with, any woman could only dream about it. He is a child, you are right, then why expactations? This relationship is doomed, you know that. Why to not just enjoy it and in a mean time look for someone else.
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A
male
reader, broken gay  +, writes (3 May 2015):
Oh dear ! You don't love him ! You just want someone in your life
And since this is the only option you have ! You are confused whether to continue this way or to dump him .
But since you are hopeless and fearing end up alone I advice you to enjoy things with this guy and introduce him to your family and friends
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2015): You want your cake and icing.:)A part of you longs for a more serious relationship with a man who is older and has common interests and perhaps is equal to you intellectually. A man you feel more SAFE with.This guy gives you butterflies and keeps you on the edge of your seat. All the reasons you were attracted to him. But now you worry you are in too deep and that perhaps his feelings are not serious enough? And that he will go off with someone else. His free spiritedness attracts you yet also worries you. Well you can't have it all.Usually those who are free spirited are not the types who are boring and fall into a perfect pattern of predictability. What you need is a stable man who is older but generally these types will be reliable and loyal but they will not be fun and passionate. Do not forget that passion is hard to find! And we don't find it with just anyone!You seem to have a few issues going on.Mostly I think you are worried he will dump you for someone younger.Somehow through all the "differences" you love him.You said so yourself.So, is love enough? You must decide if the good outweighs the bad in your relationship. Does being with him make you happy? Do you love more things about him than the things you don't like? It sounds to me like you see more positive than negative in this relationship.Why analyze it?You are still young too.Why not just let it be and enjoy it for what it is?If these differences bother you that much, move on.But I don't think you have reached that point.Why can't you both just live in the moment?Enjoy what you have together?So many people would really want what you have. Romance often dies in relationships. People take each other for granted. Why not enjoy the ride while you have it? I get your fear of loneliness. Nobody wants to be lonely. But I don't get why you would let him go and then be alone. When you could be enjoying his company and companionship and good sex with him?Enjoy the ROMANCE.Isn't that the BEST PART?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 OP: I date a woman... and we have the same age difference... same direction (she's older). BUT, consider that for ME, the age difference is 15% of my life (I'm 65). For YOUR young man, the age difference is 50% of his life!!!!! That's an important consideration......
I think you're acting from desperation.... which really isn't necessary.... since you're a VERY YOUNG woman!!!!!!
Re-think things.... IF you really WANT a "boy-toy", then continue on and see how long you can keep things going. IF you believe a man of your own age group is more appropriate.... then make that change sooner rather than later....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 It doesn't seem to me like you love him, honestly, because you wrote down a lot of things you don't respect about him, and none that you do. If it's someone you're ashamed of and have nothing to talk to and nothing in common, what kind of future could the relationship possibly have?
You don't have to end it right now though, but be honest with yourself and with him. If he's ok with being in a casual, kind of secret, relationship, and if you are, why not?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 Uhm.. of course everybody has their own definition of love, but I think oin your case it's just your hormones which love him, and your loneliness, and coming out from a long sexual and emotional dry spell. He's cute, he's hot, he's sexy, he triggers your protective instinct, and you can feel in control because he is so behind you at any level. I bet he is perfect for making love and cozy lazy evenings at home , and you could cuddle him forever, well, that's the kind of relationship you can have with a teddy bear or a stuffed animal. I have a toy panther that, I am not ashamed to admit, STILL like to caress for comfort when I feel down,but.... we aren't getting married anytime soon ( btw, I don't know if it's a male or female panther :)
I am sure having a cute kid to pet feels great but , other than that, you have absolutely nothing in common, as you aknowledge this is not going anywhere because he does not fit anywhere in your life , present or future . I must say I don't even feel this is about age difference !, because, although the difference in needs and life goals between a 20 y.o boy and a 31 y.o. woman is huge- no, that's just HIM , unluckily,- since there's PLENTY of young 20s who know they have to brush their teeth and do something better with their free time than just sleeping and getting drunk. There's plenty of young men / boys that you would not be ASHAMED to show your friends and family, once you get used / indifferent to the " Mrs. Robinson " jokes. You have just picked an endearing loser.
Which, is not fair to yourself, and it's not fair to him. The politically correct thing would be to stop wasting each other's time, and send him out to play to someone at his level ( notice I am not even saying his age- just his mental, social, emotional level : a loserette ). You've got attached, and a little addicted, and that's hard to do... so option 2 is valid too- let this all play out and fizzle by itself because fizzle it will, basically beside the sensuality of sex, cuddles and visual gratification, he BORES you to tears. This hasn't even lasted one year yet, give him a few more months of spewing inanities, and keeping you watching while he sleeps his life away, and I promise you'll get sick and tired and you'll ache for someone less cute and more adult.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 It depends on your long term goals. If you want to get married within a few years and have children this guy isn't it. Also if family and connections are important to you and you need to share everything to them, then move on. But if you want some loving affection every time you come home, like he's a pet that you can pamper, then no one has to know about your private life. I don't feel he's going to dump you anytime because he does not have good job prospects and probably feels grateful to have you. I feel you, guys who are not ambitious in life have lots of love to give. They are innocent and happier than guys who are workaholics.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2015):
 Yes, you should end it. FOR both your sake, and you know it. Being embarrassed of a partner is CLEAR sign that HE is NOT a good match.
What you did was adopt a teenybopper because you didn't want to be lonely, so you have settled for an attractive young male.
IT IS going anywhere. And it won't, specially since you value your image more than you value him. And having NOTHING in common can be nice as you get to share what EACH other like, but you two don't even do that.
My guess you TRIED this young guy, because you wanted to date someone totally different from what you have dated before (that didn't work) and you went from one "extreme" (older guy) to the other (younger guy.) And you are STILL not having a successful relationship.
End it, send him on his way. Learn to be OK with JUST being you. Once you can do that? You will more likely attract someone you will have more in common with. Not wanting to be alone or fear of being alone makes people SETTLE for someone who just isn't what they want or need.
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