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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating a married man for three years. He has been separated and living apart from his wife for that entire time. He lives 900 miles away and visits me almost every other week for a couple of days. We get together with his parents and several of his other friends so, I'm pretty sure he isn't seeing his wife at all. He has asked me to marry him but, obviously he can't marry me when he is married to someone else. He tells me he hasn't gotten divorced because he's waiting for his wife to cool off so he will be able to protect his assets. I have known both he and his wife for 20 years. She knows he is seeing me and is very angry. I'm tired of waiting for him and when I ask him about the divorce, he gets very defensive! Should I forget him and get on with my life? I really can't imagine my life without him in it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): Oh you are far smarter than that. How about "I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I want to walk off into the sunset and than includes marriage. I know you're not ready and I don't want to put any pressure on you, so I'm willing to give you all the time you need but not exclusively. What do you think?"
That's all you have to SAY. Then what you should DO is GO OUT AND DATE DATE DATE OTHER MEN LIKE CRAZY and you can still see this man to if YOU want to.
You are not happy. You are not satisfied. HE is not motivated in any way to move forward. But like the other woman said he will either realize he will lose you or he doesn't care and you will find that out soon. Either way YOU will win because YOU WILL find Mr. Right or this man will make sure he qualifies himseslf and shows he is worthy of your love.
Good luck! :D
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): move on chick this type of men are poison, shit will not get better I promise you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2006): Ahh..the pain and misery of dating 'separated' men. I know so many women who get caught up in this scenario and they complain so bitterly later, when he always has the 'I have to get a divorce, first' excuse. Even more lamer is the 'I have to protect my assests' excuse. As far as protecting his assets....no matter what, when he divorces her, his ex wife will be entitled by law to one-half of all the assests they accumulated together in this marriage. In your case, he has an angry ex-wife in his life and she will not make it easy for him...ever! He'd be better off to face the music now and get it over and done with, so he can commit further to you. But why isn't he doing this after 3 years? It almost seems as if he's insisting you to wait for him, which of course, you shouldn't do. In effect, you are his second choice and that is not fair for you, not to mention-a very unloving thing to do, as well. If he really loved you he would of told his wife along time ago "I'm sorry but I have moved on-I'm divorcing you" and ended it, irregardless of the assets. My suggestion: Look out for yourself and tell him you need to get out and date other people. That might either get him motivated to do something and divorce this ex-wife...or he won't care. It will be then that you will clearly know where you stand with this man. A tough place to be in, but how many more years do you want to waste?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2006): Three years - what a waste of your time! If you can't imagine your life without him then develop your imagination. If you only see him a few days a month, how do you know there's not another lovebird stashed away somewhere? Anyway he doesn't sound like much of a catch. forget him and get a life of your own.
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