A
female
age
51-59,
*hinachik
writes:I am re-posting this question, as I just would like some more feedback and I would really appreciate any advice I can get on this matter because I really need to decide what I should do about my RAF boyfriend and I am beginning to realise how hard it is to be involved with a military man after dating him for 4 months, and I know I am falling for him, but need to know what more to expect before I fall deeper for him or break it off and move on.He is a lovely man, and I really respect him for his choices, but sometimes I have huge doubts about him. He avoids questions, and withdraws and dosen't let me share his life. I know in the past he has been hurt by women but nothing in detail, all he said was that most women can't put up with his lifestyle. It seems that instead of telling me what goes on, he disappears with some sort of excuse and then tentatively comes back with some sort of excuse. This is quite hurtful, and I have seen him on dating websites talking to other women, but he says he dosent see anyone else. It seems as if he keeps me at arms length and I don't know if he does this because he dosen't love me, or whether he thinks I'm going to leave him? I really don't know. It seems like he wants to be with me, but doesn't want to be attached.We are not young, he's 40 and I'm 38, and I can understand that he's set in his ways, but I don't know how to get through to him sometimes. There is such a wall around him. I know its not anything I've done, and the times we spend together are really happy, but really don't know what to expect or whether he's just using me and going to dump me.Would really love some feedback on my situation so I know how to tackle things, thanks for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 September 2010):
 You didn't mention if he'd been deployed. RAF could be anything from a clerk to a pilot. If he's been in combat, then you're dealing with a world that civilians simply cannot understand. RAF (and RN and ...) wives have been dealing with this forever with varying degrees of success. Contact the Royal British Legion, and particularly the Women's Auxilliary. Men who have been in combat have a unique set of issues that spill over into their married lives in a profound way. People who are trying to deal with them can get valuable support from vets organizations.
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