A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This post is going to be a bit long, apologies for that. My boyfriend and I were good and it's been just a month together. Out of the blue, he texted me this morning that "Don't mean to be hard on you but I am not sure about this relationship. I tried to but don't feel the kind of love I felt for...... (names his ex). I don't want to hurt you after a year or so. It's better that we call this off now."I felt devastated after reading it because last night only we talked normally although he's behaving distant since a week. Nevertheless, while he was courting me, he used to compare me to his ex. And the strangest thing while we were on a date or something, everytime he used to bring up the topic of her. All the time, he used her name. Normally people just say ex and don't take their names.They broke up in the last quarter of the last year. The reason for their break up was disapproval from the girl's family owing to different cultural backgrounds.I indeed love him and feel helpless. To make the situation worse, I texted him back that I too love my ex and want to remain friends with him.Have I blown up all my chances of being together? Was I his rebound? Please give some advice regarding how to have him back in my life. I miss him bad. :(Thanks!
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female
reader, peekn'boo  +, writes (5 October 2015):
 This may seem harsh but you were a rebound although I that if I was in a relationship where my boyfriend compared me to his ex, I would feel really offended and mad almost. I think you should ask yourself "Do I want to continue being held at a lesser level than an ex girlfriend?" I would hope the answer is NO because if I were going to commit my self to someone and they didn't commit the same or about the same amount of attention and effort into our relationship, what is the point of even being in that relationship?From what you have desired it seemed like he did try in the relationship but that random text was him being honest with you. Since, he did tell you over text and not in person I think that is disrespectful but also proves that he wasn't committed to you. I honestly think what you should do now is let it go. I know it's hard but if it works out he will take rekindle the relationship because after all he did call it off. My friend recently went through the same situation, she did grief but realized that she was much better than being treated like that. She is doing great now and he recently text her but she refused to text back because she was really hurt and realized that he is a fuck boy (not relationship type).LOL that example was just a possible outcome of your current situation, it is not to say that exact outcome will occur but it gives you and idea of what might happen. Right now, I think you NEED to focus on what you value and then act to realize those qualities because often times situations as harsh and sudden as this one often leads one to believe that something is wrong with us but I it's healthier if you think beyond that and work on moving on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 October 2015):
 While a month might be soon soon to REALLY know, dating someone who is STILL stuck on an ex is not a good thing either. He is NOT over her. He is pining for someone he can't have. No matter how much you love him, you can not erase the past.
You should NOT have been intimate with him so soon, but not much you can do about that.
LET him go. If he is any kind of smart he will figure out that you WERE someone he could be with long term.
And yes, I do think you were a rebound.
Delete his number, move on. Next time... no intimacy till you are both certain you WANT to be with each other and honestly, if a guy talks CONSTANTLY about an ex.... hint hint - he is not over her nor ready to date again.
Chin up, you deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionExactly, I tried to talk sense into him (two weeks back when he was already talking about the insecurities of the relationship) emphasizing that there's plenty of time to know each other because a month is too short to decide whether someone harbours feelings for the other or not. Besides, no two relationships are the same because equations change along with the partner. Each person is different and he should respect that. He could not just grasp it may be!However, provided the emotional wreck I am, I began to take him quite seriously followed by physical intimacy. He's the one who rushed into the relationship zone when we were better off as friends with a fondness for each other. Now he's the one who's ended it. I feel extremely lonely and happen to stare at my phone hoping that he would text. Just getting sick of it!I just wonder, the way I feel sad for having lost him, will he feel the same ever? Will he ever try to reconcile things? As for my former boyfriend with whom I had been for 5 years, I still do have some dormant feelings. But just can't connect that much emotionally because of this ex-drama guy. :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2015): i think a month is too soon to know if you love him. Sure he may have been charming and fun and possibly good in bed but in a month you dont really know him that well at all. Yes it was rebound for you both and your text reply was great. Its not fun being constanty compared to his named ex so i would move on without any hard feelings. It was a transitional romance. If it helps try to imagine that you have been on a cruise and had the most wonderful time with another passenger who was trying to show his best side but now that you are back on dry land its best to go your separate ways and see the sights.It was just remarkable that you were going in the sane direction for a short time and good fun that you hit it off well, but he has now run out of emotional currency and you are in a situation where you want no extra baggage as you have yet to reach your destination. Let him pine for you later as its all part of the emotional package tour.[Mod note: a space was inserted after each period to make this a bit easier to read. Thank you for posting.]
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