A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on a dating website and we've been dating for a month. We both felt an instant connection and it's something I havent experienced before. We click really well, we share the same sense of humor and really enjoy spending time together.A few days ago he was told he's being relocated to another country for work. It will be at least a year position if not longer. It's something he's always wanted to do and is really excited about the opportunity.When we first talked about it 3 nights ago I was obviously very upset. He told me he's not like other guys etc and would want to potentially see what happens with us. He told me he would come back to my state to visit even though his family lives in a different state. We talked about me going there to visit him and things seemed like they had the potential to at least give it a try. Suddenly he stopped talking to me and really pulled back. when I questioned him on it he told me he's just trying to be realistic about it all and doesn't want to get any closer to me just to leave. I can't wrap my mind around what could have made him change his view so dramatically in 2 days. He doesn't even know if he wants to see me before he leaves!!I'm sure people are going to tell me it was only a month of dating and that I can't be that invested. All I can say is I've never felt like this about someone before and actually thought he has long term potential. I've done long distance relationships twice before and while they're never ideal, it also isn't impossible if both people want to make it work.Should I even bother trying to get him to try it for a little? Or should I give up entirely and cut all ties like he suddenly wants to do? I'm really hurting and confused so any advice is greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 January 2015):
 Sorry it was a Sham. You are right. It's better to be done with him early than to spend time with someone who is willing to date you while seriously dating another. It is not a good sign of his character.
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks FA for taking the time out of your day to read and respond to me. It is greatly appreciated, just found out he has been seriously dating another girl for months now. I guess I'm better off!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 January 2015):
It could be a lot of things. He may have gotten some advice that is helping him to see things in a more realistic light. If he is talking to coworkers who have worked out of country before, their experiences could be more helpful than his vague hopes.
He could have been intimidated by your strong reaction to his news. You may have indicated a much stronger connection than he feels or expects. That might have scared him. He could have seen your reaction as controlling or clingy.
Or he might just be evaluating his investment in the relationship, as you mentioned. He might think it is nicer to sever things before the separation leads to an inevitable long distance breakup.
He might just be a young guy and value his independence. And then with a internet dating site relationship, there is always the possibility that the whole thing is a sham.
I would advise you to give him some space and wait until he is settled in his new position then slowly reconnect.
FA
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