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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello, i dont want any hurtful or rude comments, iam writing to everyone here because i think this is a site for evryone to write about their problems and feeling's. Well, iam seeing a married man. i have been seeing him for 2 1/2 years now. i got with him in a time of pain, weakness ect...anyhow he had broken up with me because of the soon to come baby with his wife...and i was devastated...i did'nt call he didn't either for about 2 months then he called and i am now back with him....i rather be with him than anyone else because other man have lied to me and hurt me and deceived me....he's truthfull to me, he tries to be sweet to me and he listens hes 15 yeras older than me and i love him....i really do...crazy huh...i dont expect him to leave his wife or baby...i dont want that i just want him to be with me., but lately iam feeling anxoius again iam not truly happy, i was hurt when i wasnt with him, but i survived but iam dragged in the same thing again and i dont like what iam feeling..iam sad, nervous...but @ the same time i want him with me...??????????????????????help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): the person who posted on the 25th September, are you the OP??
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): My mom wasn't there for me emotionally growing up. I was molested by my father. Is this why i am so used to men betraying me and going out with someone else? I went out with a guy for 2 weeks, then found out he was married! I was so crushed and it felt like a knife in my stomach, that's how bad the emotional pain was because I had gotten so attached in 2 weeks -- he had told me everything I wanted to hear, then I found out he was married and the emotional pain was so sharp. Now I just cry everyday because I fell for him and miss him.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 glad thigns have worked out for the best i know right now you wish they were different but trouble is i would of never been different because he wouldnt leave her and he wouldnt be with you. but now your going your way the only person who can make it better is you! so go out their do things that make you happy and remember live for today like theirs no tomorrow. you will get through this and you will be better for it. take care aphex xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello, I just wanted to thank all of you with ur answers.....an update....the married man kept taking me for granted, to put it in a nice way. anyhow to make the story short i had asked him if he wanted to go our separate ways because i was hurting with all the mixed feeling i had...he dint want to so i agreed to hang on, he said he loved me and that he cared alot obout me, blah blah blah. 2 days later we argue over lunch. i called hi the next day to talk to him to settle our differences. so he told me that he dint want to keep on with the relationship, i felt like shit...i gave him the chance to part with no hard feelings and he refused and 2 days later he ripped my heart right off.....i did not cry and i did not refuse i asked him if he was 100% sure he said ok and i said ok......i went home and cryed like there was no tomorrow, he said he was doing it for the best for my own good for his son and i understood it was mainly for himself.......this all happened 3 weeks ago and i dint sleep for nights thinking about him, i know its for the best and iam determined not to look back...i told him iwas not looking back...i told him to be careful of what he said and he was 100% sure...he said it...iam hurt and broken inside i just pretend like iam ok because no one knows exept my best friend...she knows.but iam positive i have my life back, i want to be happy and iam looking foward to find someone that loves me and deserves me because i have so much to give, iam not a bad person i just fell throught this at a vunerable time in my life i was 19 with emotional issues. I met this guy my age 22.....hes sweet and i know his intentions are good, but iam taking my time. iam looking foward to my future know in a happy good way
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female
reader, Alisa +, writes (20 July 2009):
I completely understand, where you are coming from. I just came out of a 18 month relationship with a married man 6 weeks ago. I didn't want him to leave his wife for me. I just wanted to be apart of his life. He moved to another state I thought we were going to be friends. After all 2 years before the affair began we were friends. He left, and I haven't heard from him. Most people don't understand, that these affairs aren't always about sex. Loneliness, and other complicated ingredients. The best I could tell you is get out this situation. You will be hurt. Not only do the men don't leave their wives for us. The wives don't leave their husbands, when they find out about us. Most the time, they knew from the start, my situation the wife went along with it. At the end they will band together, and you will be the one hurt. You strip away whatever your gettin from him, and you will see it isn't much. These men give their wives and you 50% of nothing. Find some way to ditch him, you will better off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): He will never be with you because he is a cheater and will always be a cheater. They are out only for sex and when they get tired they will dump you like you are not worth anything. If they are not faithful to their own blood, how can they be faithful to you. Think for a moment, is it ok to let him use you?. Is it ok for him to sleep with you and his wife whenever he wants. If a woman becomes strong and give slef respect, respect to her body, her sould and doesn't et these kind of men take advantage of them. These kind of men will learn a lesson for life and never disrespect a women ever. These affairs don't last lost as they can never be faithful and when they get board they move on to the next one. Please try to stop this before it's too late.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): to the last post, i think i already have set up my self for this heartache...its been hurting for a while but i realize this now because iam really deep in to it...now at this point iam very confused i know the right thing to do is to leave and never look back but my feelings are keeping me here, i love him and i dont want to hurt him because i know he does not want me to leave. I know hes not happy with his wife because he has told me, but hes happy with his son adn he wants to stay for him, i agree with him. I dont want to push him to leave his wife and child, but i also want to be happy. I feel like maybe iam missing out on happyness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): I was in a similiar situation. We were best friends for a year 1st. The affair lasted 4 months. Thought he really loved me. He said we were soulmates and would make comments like "let's just forget it all and run away together." He would call me just to tell me over and over how beautiful I am, etc. As soon as his wife started getting suspisious and not letting him out of her sight for a single second the past month, he said he can't take the stress anymore and broke it off with me. He said he couldn't lose his family. He apologized for hurting me and said we can still be friends. He completely broke my heart!!I have never felt so hurt and alone in my life!! You are setting yourself up for heartache!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Hi there.
I am not going to be rude or hurtful to you.
I sympathise with you because i have been in the situation you are in.
I fell in love with a married man and thought he had for me... let me say this he ripped my heart out and this is most likely what your one will do to you.
I am not telling you to end it, thats your decision, but i will say that it would be best because seldom do they ever leave their wives for us other women.
And now there is a child involved, same as my relationship his wife fell pregnant even though he told me they were not sleeping together, i should have ended it there and then... but no me being the stupid person i was carried it on.
His wife eventually found out and wanted my blood do i blame her no... but she was too quick to blame me... he got in first and probably lied. I didnt make vows to her... i had not lied through my back teeth to her.
Needless to say he had no choice but to get back with her... which i dont envy her for because once a cheat always a cheat.
So ask yourself this if he done it to his wife, if he did leave her for you COULD YOU TRUST HIM??????????
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Think about this - it's called empathy. You are married and in love with your husband and in fact you are expecting his child. How would feel about another woman sleeping with your husband while he commits adultery? In fact, he dumped you and then took you back. Keep in mind that should you ever be so unlucky to actually get him to leave his wife for you, he'll do the same thing to you when he's tired of you. The man is a bottom feeder. Don't let him drag you down any further.The longer this goes on the more you will become attached,nd the more pain you will feel when he leaves again for good -- and HE Will.There's a saying: What goes around comes around. It could be really bad, leave before it happens to you.Based on how you started this post, I get the impression that this is not you and that you have more morality than this mistake. Fix it dear and don't let it happen again - or it will haunt you forever and you will be doomed to settle for these losers.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): i am not going to be rude but i hope i can be honest enough. i will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. it this ok.
i read of someone low in morale and low in self esteem. i read of a lonely girl who just doesn't know how to love herself. i read of a messed up girl who will take any scraps offered to her all in the name of love. am i correct. you life is so sad. i actually pity you. you are anxious. you are being used for sex. the fact that you cannot and will not try being alone seems to stem from past betrayal. you will accept anything just so that you do not have to fact loniless. can you actually live without a man / anyman? a married man? this married man does not have to be your existence. you have lowered yourself so much. you are clinging to some hope that he will love you in return. my darling, please fact facts. why are you settling for handme downs, for second best. your life is so precious yet you are wasting it away with this married man.
this man is married. he and his wife just had a baby. your married lover abondoned you like garbage for 2 months yet you took him back when all he wanted was sex . you are readily providing what a prostitute will. so this man may not be paying you for it, but he is using you nevertheless. where will this all lead to - heartache, pain, betrayla, humiliation. you are messing with his marriage. you are messing with his home. please try to look at this affair realistically. please see the situation for what it is. the only thing you are providing to ythis man is sex. is this all you are - an object for a married man sexual pleasures. you mean nothing to him. please if you think, please stop deluding yourself. \
you say other men have lied, and hurt you. but you do not care about hurting this mans wife now don't you. you know how it feels to be destroyed, isn't this what you are doing. what makes you think this man is any different. just because you are his mistress does it mean that he will not betray you. remember this, he is already a cheat, he is actually a bastard. he is cheating on his marriage. do you think he will remain faithful to you. NO. you are just a means to an end. he does not love you. he knows you are clinging onto him for your own selfish reasons. and you will just accept any crumbs he throws at you. one phone call and you go back running. this man knows you do not value yourself, therefore he does not value you.
its time to start learning to love yourself. forget about your truthful married man. he is not important, what is important is your ability to function wholly, function fully. and this is not what you are doing. you are expecting him to change his cheating ways and make you happy. you know this will never happen. there are so many people on this site who have gone through same/similar situations. they will attest to what i am saying. the life of a mistress is a lonely one, it humilates you, it defiles you, it makes you become bitter and posessive, it robs you of going out and finding a better someone. ti robs you of a chance of happiness, it steals your life, your very zest for living. it consumes you until there is nothing left. is this what you want for your life? do you value it so little. your life is precious. you just want to be wih any man, (so this married man will suffice) why? because you do not know how to love, you just dod not love yourself. you seem emotionally "unstable' (sorry, i caannot find a less hurtful word), this emotional rollercoaster has to stop. your affair is slowly destroying your selfworth.
yet again i find it so sad that people who claim to be hurt/ betrayed/ manipulated/cheated on in the past, continue to do the same to others. it is such a vicious cycle. there are 2 sayings i want to leave you with:
- you deserve what you tolerate
- you marry what you know.
maybe look at these saying and see how it fits into your life. you have always tolerated betrayal, so you continue to betray and cheat with this married man.
you (not marry in your case) are with a cheater becasuse you are used to cheaters and the cheating ways? sometimes no matter how far we try to run/ hide from our past, it caughts up with us. in your case you have not dealt with many sad/painful things in your past, therefore your present is turning out the way it is. if you cannot love and respect yourself, you just cannot expect someone else to.
i am sad to say nothing will result from your affair with this married man. if you want second best and betrayal then you will continue in this manner. it is all you know. but if you want a clean break, then it is time for a life changing decision. but you need to want it so badly that you are willing to sacrifice and change . for the better. change and become the person you know you can be. it means leaving your lover, who abondoned you earlier. it means starting afresh. only you ca make these choices but remember if you choose unwisely you will be paying for it for years to come. sometimes we have such a high price to pay for our wrong choices. in the end we ash "was it worth it" and most of the times we answer NO.
I really wish you well. your anxiousness will be spilling over into other areas of your life. i hope you manage your expectations and lastly i hope you learn to be realistic and i truly hope you find yourself through this tormoil in your life.
good luck. i do not believe i was rude to you, but i think i was trying to be realistic. in life we all have choices, and the choice we make determine our quality of lives.
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reader, QuirkLady +, writes (9 June 2009):
 Other men have hurt you but he didn't? It didn't hurt when he left you to go back to his wife, the woman he vowed to love until death, huh? Of course it did.
You're miserable and unhappy because you are not getting the love you need. You're getting crumbs from a man who has his wife and a kid at home that he should be taking care of.
You deserve better than crumbs. You deserve someone who can make a real commitment to you. In your heart you know this situation isn't right. Do the right thing and take care of yourself.
Good luck.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (8 June 2009):
well we could say various things and if its not what you want to hear then it could be hurtful but the thing is no one is trying to be hurtful on here just being honest about how they feel and what they would do so just be openminded to what they have to say and take the good with the bad. now that been said now to the problem. well for a start seeing a married man is never good for several reason most to which is against my own morals and prob to most people in the world. next. ok you say men have lied to you ok whats he doing to his wife then and if hes doing it to his wife then surely hes doing it to you so thats calling the pot black. of course your not happy you are part of something big lies decciet and if his wife found out she would be devasted more so with a new born. so of course you dont feel satisfied hes getting his cake and to eat it and your just taking the bait so your not gettign what you need from this man nor i doubt hell give it to you either. just think if he did leave his wife for you what is the odds hed do it to you im betting their high since it seems he has no morals. have you ever thought perhaps hes just telling you what you want so youll sleep with him perhaps he thought oh i got baby wife house its all good but then it got boring so well go back to her who doesnt see whats happening and is under my thumb. dont get mad at me but those are ideas to which are most likely true. 9/ 10 women who are cheating with other men on married couples dont work because the trust isnt their due to the fact thats what they did in the relationship before its posted on this website too of how many peoples heart are broken because they did that and it ddnt work out. your best leaving this behind you get some confidence be weary of who you date and find someone worthy of you and not someone who is scum taking advantage of what hes got. shame no one would tell his wife what hes up too i really feel sorry for her and the baby. good luck with your choices keep us updated would be nice :)
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