A
female
age
36-40,
*ataliemarie
writes:I am dating a guy that i really like but I am desperately afraid because of his recent past. His now ex best friend betrayed him with his ex girlfriend of 7 years. I don't know the details of what happened but I am assuming they must have hooked up or may be going out now. This happened in february- he said him and his ex gf were on a break when this happened. He claims the trash is out of his life. However I cant shake the feeling that i will be hurt. Especially bc I feel strongly for him and we've only started hanging out. How do I go about this? has anyone been in a similar situation??
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 You should really try and stay positive about the relationship you are having now with him. If he is not dragging his past into the relationship, I dont see why you should. You have to trust him and take his word that when he says "The trash is out of my life." that he is over it or atleast dealing with it.
I think you just are insecure because you want to bare yourself to this guy and this will leave you open and vulnerable. I think by saying you are worried about his past ex what you are really trying to do is protect yourself from hurt. Any hurt. Not just his past hurt. Just hurt from him and what you are doing is preparing a reason for why this relationship failed if in the event of failure. You do know that is a self fulfilling prophesy right? If you do drag up the past, presist with your worries and dont open up, you and he will have problems and that could lead to the end of the relationship. That would mean you were right and you saw it coming(more like you made it happen). Or if he doesn't seem to be as into this relationship you will be ready with the "it must be his past relationship" card.
Enjoy your time with him, dont be affraid to get hurt because if you dont really give it your all why would he have any reason to give it his all. And if both of you are not giving it your all why bother being in the relationship?
HonningKanin
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