A
male
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* Waited For The One
writes:ok let me start this out by saying i'm 24 nearly 25 in june and my new girl is 20 nearly 21 in septemberwe've been dateing for 3 weeks nearly a month and i've slept with her once. she's stayed at my house twice and we didn't do nofthing the first time. 2nd time we had sex. i asked her to sleep over my house this week and she cant because she on some course for this week and its takeing most of her time up.3 weeks into our r/ship and i did something stupid i told another girl i would date her i regret it because im happy in my new r/ship. i e-mailed the other girl and said sorry and This week i asked my girl to have a kid with me.ok i know its a lil fast and we've only been dateing 3 weeks but i really wanna kid. i've always wanted a kid and i think i would be the best dad in the world and i can c a future with my new girl if theres a kid around if not i dnt. Job stats My Girl has None doesn't wanna job hates working and as not worked in 2-3 years. me ive not worked in 5 years i got loads of office work under my belt but i couldn't be borthered with another job in 5 years because theres only 1 job i wanna do and thats Van drive or any driveing job. and theres loads going.liveing arrangements. i live with my mom and lil brother and 2 lil sisters. my girl lives with her mom and lil brother. ok questionsi asked my girl to look for a place with me in the next few weeks before we start trying for a baby (which she told me we can try 4 1 but i have 2 wait till we've been 2gether 2months) i agreed i said 3 but she said 2 would be perfect. i asked her to look for a place with me and she turned around and said " not yet " ok is that normal? i told her tonight i dnt wanna kid and then look 4 a place 2 live because that means it will never be allowed to stay over mine but 2/4 people work and these people would moan at me 24/7by the way my girl is fully agreeing 2 the baby and so i amWhen is it normal for a couple 2 move into there own place 2gether i always thought it was a month or 2 my new girl wants 2 wait but i told her i wanna be liveing with her after 6 months of being 2gether because if where not. it will seem like where standing still. do u agree?i think im gonna pass my driveing lessions and look 4 my own place. when i get a job. and f she doesn't wanna move in well i cnt do much about that can i?me and my girl have sex once a week is that normal i only ask because with my ex i was doing it 4-5 times a week now its once a week. 4 times a month and i need 2 know is that gonna be enought 2 make a baby?i would c my girl more nights but because i dont drive she she lives far away its hard 2 get her 2 sleep over most nights because shes busy most days. what do u think?ever since i've talked about haveing a kid it feels like she useing excuses everywhere not 2 c me is that normal? or am i being stupid?any help would be great thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): wow. i've been dating my guy 3 weeks and we're not even officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet. or at least we haven't talked about it to make it official. and y'all are already talking about babies and moving in together?? y'all need to slow down. and the fact that you're asking if having sex only once a week is enough to make a baby, you're clearly NOT ready to have a baby. plus you both don't have jobs and you're both still living with your parents. if the guy i was dating (he's 25 and i'm 20, almost 21) told me he wanted to have a baby with me it would freak me out, and i'd probably make excuses not to see him too. good luck turning this around. and please dont jump into things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): You posted this already and said there is no way you would ever marry this gf; your ex had a miscarriage and SHE was the one you "waited for."
Three weeks dating and you think you want to have a baby and so does she? You are both crazy! You neither of you have jobs, so how do you think you would be able to support a baby?
Get serious: give up this selfish desire to have a child just for the sake of having one; or else make a REAL relationship with this woman - i.e., date her exclusively for a year and see if you both think you could make a life together. If so, GET MARRIED, and THEN start a baby.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (3 April 2007):
 3 weeks and you want to have children ? Gosh give yourselves a chance first before embarking on something that will change your lives forever! Are you sure your not winding us up!?
Neither of you work like you state so what start is the child going to have ? How are you going to afford a home together,let alone afford a child aswell ?
You dont know each other, let alone know what to expect with a child.
As for moving in with one another that in itself is a gradual step... Whats right for one isnt right for another.
But I do feel that 3 weeks is a bit too early to be thinking about that. Maybe 6 months down the line yes, but its so early days at the moment.
I cant help but think this is something of a wind up as the last two lines contradict it all. I mean you say shes all up for having a baby, and then you say that ever since you brought up the subject shes making excuses not to see you... are you sure you have had the same conversation with her!?
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (3 April 2007):
 sorry to say this but the fact youre asking such questions tells me that you definetly are not ready to have children.someone can have sex once and get pregnant.the fact that you have doubts already about this girl shows you arent ready and neither is she.3wks 3months 3yrs doesnt make any difference you are not ready my love.possibly you want a child to find some security to get out of your home and away from your family???whilst she will want kids one day i think you are coming on too strong which is flattering but can also be scary whether you are male of female.sloooow down and have a serious think.get yourself sorted out first i.e. job,place to live financial security for the baby.then you may be mature enough to START thinking about babies.prove to yourself that you can look after YOURSELF and the rest will come to you in good time.babies arent things they are humans.please wait.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (3 April 2007):
 I think this is all moving too fact for the pair of you and you both need to slow things down. What about your lives? What about achieving the things you two want to? Why not spend some time enjoying each other's company before moving in and having babies, going on great holidays and stuff, you've got forever to have babies and all that responsibility!
I know you think this all feels right but you're just in the first exciting stages of a relationship. If you have a baby or move in together now, I promise you it will not work out. You need to spend time properly getting to know each other first before you take these massive steps and bring another human being into the world.
It sounds like you want this for the wrong reasons: you say you've always wanted to be a father. What about waiting until you can offer a baby what it deserves? You might want one but you have no house of your own, a car or any stability to bring up a baby in. Also, it sounds like you're bored and stressed with the life you have with your family etc. This is also not a good reason to have a baby. It will just make you more unhappy and bring a baby into the world to be unhappy too.
I suggest you two take things slow, enjoy each others company and stop rushing all these things! These are huge decisions and some people take years to decide on things like moving in together and having babies, not 3 weeks! You sound like you care for this girl but get to know her first before you commit to anything. Trust me, this will not work out if you don't take your time. Think about the baby that could be created: is this really the right time?
Spend quality time together, getting to know each other and who knows what the future will hold for you two. But if you wait, at least you'll know it's the right time to do it and there's a better chance the relationship will last.
Good luck
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