A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a complete idiot and that girl I didn't want to be. I know guys and girls do this and maybe to some it's no problem, but i'm treading very thin ice now. I met two guys who I went on a date with, only because I liked them both. That and my friends said I can't make a decision from just seeing them once, that I had to go out again and I only needed one date to make it clear who I could see myself with and who I liked more. Well, typically as luck would have it, I liked them both the same now, maybe more than before! They are amazing, funny, sweet guys in very opposite ways, but yet I want to be with both that I can't decide. When I describe the guy I want to be with, they fit that description so perfectly it's shocking! I tried thinking of things I didn't like, not one thing popped into my head.I've always picked the wrong guy and been hurt every time, so I gave up on guys for quite a while. Which was when out of nowhere I met these two and they are incredibly decent people who have both made it clear how much they like me and said they want to give things a try. But, I don't want to date two guys, it's so wrong and hurtful that I wouldn't be able to end it with one. Anyways, they are liking me more and i'm leading them on, so I need to make a decision before it gets further and I don't know what to do, how do people chose when both are so amazing. What should I take into consideration, or think of? I don't want to make the wrong decision and regret it later, but I don't know what to do!! My friends don't help, all they say is 'they're both really hot, date them both'. But i'm not that type, it's selfish and they aren't the one having to hurt someone's feelings after..... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (17 September 2012):
First, it is not wrong to date two people at once. Dating is somewhat more casual than having an official exclusive boyfriend. (That being said, IF you have told either or both guys that you are not seeing other people, that would be wrong.)
Now, on to making decisions. Answer these questions yourself, then ask each of the guys these questions. They are important questions that can make or break a relationship after months or even years of being together.
Do you want children? No, or Yes (how many)
Is religion important to you? No, or Yes
Are you conservative or liberal when you consider important social and fiscal political issues?
Do you have or want pets? If yes, what kind?
Where would you like to settle down? In the country, suburbs, or a large city?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): You're not actually doing anything wrong at this stage as long as you're not being intimate with either or both of them, I don't think. You're in the dating process, you are testing the waters to see which temperature suites you more, you can't decide after just one or two dates which guy you would potentially take things to the next level with.
I think a good way to establish some pros and cons between these guys is to try different things on dates with them. Do things that you like to do, and find out what they like and dislike. Find out what common interests you have with both of them, not just whether or not you get along with them.
Ultimately I don't think you've spent enough time with these guys to see them for who they really are just yet. A couple more dates won't do any harm I reckon. But any future dates should be crucial to your final decision, make them count.
If at the end of that you still can't distinguish anything that stands out between these guys then I don't think either of them are right for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
 If you can’t figure out which one to date exclusively then neither one is the right one for you.
DATING is different from “going steady” which was what us old folks called it… it meant you were exclusive and only seeing one fellow… if you were not going steady you were free to DATE (not sleep with) as many boys as asked you out…
If you tell them that you are not ready for a commitment I can’t see how you are leading them on… if they say they want to be exclusive and you are not ready then they must end the relationship… it’s not on you to protect them only yourself.
AS LONG as you are HONEST and forthright with everyone I se no problem with DATING till you meet someone that makes you want to “forsake all others”
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 If you were my Sister (a much YOUNGER Sister, to be sure!) I'd suggest you do this:
1. Ask each guy to give you a copy of his last bank statement,
2. Ask each to give you a list of his assets.
Total each guys' 1. and 2. Whichever's is larger, date him!!!!
Good luck....
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