A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Do women ever think about the guy they dump, who treated them like they were an angel, am talking about lets say six months down the road, after being with other guys, like I seen an ex this weekend, but I didn't talk to her, she didn't deserved my friendship, she had the right to dump me if she wasn't happy, i don't try to force a woman to be with me. When they act like they are happy when they are with me, but it turns out to be just an act, then out of no where they are gone. Every one says I treat them too nice, i need to act a little bit a bad boy, when I like some one, i can't turn it off like a light switch, but it seems some people can, women and men Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 Are you still not over this? I feel like you've asked this question over and over, and you miss out on the crucial point: you say you treated her like an angel, but that's all just your opinion. There's no such thing as treating someone like an angel, and even if you could do that (I mean come on, what does that even mean), then who is to say that's how she wanted to be treated?
And, not to forget that a woman and a relationship are not a PRIZE you win by doing this or that. Women are individuals, so it's not like you can treat everyone the same (like and "angel") and expect that every woman will fall in love with you because of it.
I mean, pets trend to treat you nicely too, but you don't start a relationship with them. How you treat a person is of course relevant, but there is A LOT MORE TO IT. And THAT is why relationships end, it's about TWO PEOPLE matching together or not. It's not a one sided thing where you just treat them nice, like an owner treats his dog, and then expect loyalty and love in return. It doesn't work like that.
So, on to if women, in general, ever think about the guy they dumped and his feelings? YES. A whole freaking lot. Some don't, sure enough, we're individuals just like you men. But most of us do care A LOT about the feelings of the person we are with, and this is why dumping someone/ending a relationship is very difficult for most people.
As for whether you treat someone "too nice" or not, there's no such thing either. You should continue to treat people and women the same way as you feel comfortable with. But just like with the rest of us, you need to find that person you are compatible with, someone who loves being treated the way you like to treat them, and who otherwise is a good match with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): Male Anon is right. Women are attracted by the bad boys and men by the sex kittens. However, for lasting power, I do not think they stay with these types.Remember, attraction and long term potential can be two different things. You can have an intense physical attraction with someone and have swinging from the chandelier sex together and they will still not be THE ONE.I think where guys go wrong is they fall too much onto the NICE side. Women get bored by that. They do want a nice guy but with bad boy qualities. So he has to really be able to pull that off. It is not so easy as Male Anon alludes to. You cannot sell it if you do not have it in you to begin with. But bad boy in the sense that he is bad just for you, and not a player. Because women do not want players. That is a whole other ball game. Need to make that clear.But you have to know how to pull her strings. I know that sounds bad. But you need to keep her chasing you. If you are too accommodating and available she will start to take you for granted. But you need to always make sure you are not going too far that it turns her off and pushes he away. This is where the challenge is. To keep her interest by just the right amount of aloofness, without upsetting her. And trust me, even if she is upset, she will come back because by that point she will be hooked.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2016):
 Being dumped hurt. Having to dump someone is no fun either. And the whole... " I treat them lie a princess" OK, so what? They don't OWE you eternal gratitude for treating them well.
Maybe dial it down a bit, don't BEND OVER backwards for the woman you date. TREAT her like an equal, TREAT her well.
6 months is quite often the "benchmark" where you get to see the "real" person you are dating. And that might be why the relationship ends around there.
OP, would you rather a woman string you along for 8-12 months to get as much material goodies out of you? Or would you rather that she is honest and end it, if she discover that you two may not be a good match (in her eyes)?
I don't think ANYONE enjoys being the "dumper" or the "dumpee" - but if it doesn't feel right, ONE of the parties have to end it and not beat that dead horse for months.
I'm sorry you got hurt, and no, being a "bad boy" will no fix your problem. Maybe think about what she gave as the reason to break up and figure out if there is some truth to it. If there is, LEARN from it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): Women say they don't want a bad boy. And men say they don't want a sexy bimbo.
People have a habit of spending decades going after traits they claim they don't want. Look at their actions and you will learn more about them.
But faking the bad boy thing will not work. There has to be some truth in it or you cannot sell it.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 July 2016):
 More often than not, if a woman (or man) breaks things off, they probably aren't going to be super regretful of the decision. They probably had a legitimate reason for doing so. They may feel bad for having hurt the other person, but not necessarily regretful. For me personally,ive never really regretted my decisions. Only felt bad for the pain I'd potentially caused. Hope this answers your question?
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (17 July 2016):
It depends on the situation. Some may regret it, some may not. I think your biggest problem here is you believe by treating a woman well she should stay with you forever, whereas while that's great, it's actually the bare minimum anyone should expect in a relationship. You also need attraction, compatibility, respect, similar interests, similar values...and the list goes on. If any one of those things is missing then the other person may choose to end it. It doesn't mean they didn't like you or even love you, it means they didn't see things working long term. I know it's fun to hope that she might realise she's made a mistake in the future, but focussing on that keeps you stuck thinking about it. I suggest you try to let it go and focus on finding someone more compatible.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 July 2016):
 Most of us do think about the fact that it hurts; leaving often hurts both people, but breaking up is the right thing to do sometimes, regardless of the hurt it will cause.
Do you get dumped politely or does it always end in fights?
Being a "bad boy" isn't what women your age want. At the same time, they usually want indepentent men who treat them well, but aren't clingy or putting them on an "Angel"/"princess" pedestal.
I doubt being a "bad boy" is the solution; it could be you come on too strong or are a little clingy.
What sort of things do you expect and want in a relationship?
...............................
|
