A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey I have separated from my husband over an year and I have been dated many guys and the more guys I met moreI realise I will end up alone, so I need your help to know ig the problem is with me or it is just the way things are. I am lost.I have dated many guys and it is always same pattern.We date for a while, then we get along and then we go to bed. First it seems they like me, they chase me, then as we go alomg as a woman i start to feel affection for them, as I cannot go to br with a man that I have not love or affection to. Then when we go to bed I feel they don't have the same affection. It seems they are very much on sex. They want have dif positions, they ask you to wear stockings and suspenders. etc. What about just like me the way I am and having just normal sex. I love sex with a man, but I need mto feel loved and safe before feel confortable. I have not find man who understand that. What us going on?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Where and how are you meeting men? It sounds like you attract men but just not the ones that are right for you. That may mean you are not being yourself around other people - possibly trying to fit into a lifestyle you feel you should be in. When we are honest about who we are we attract people who are attracted to us. My best advice is to stop dating for 3 months. Write a list of the things that make you what you are and what you like in life. Something in that list will tell you the kind of man you want to have a relationship with. Don't settle for having sex with a guy until you know 100% he meets your needs. If he just wants sex he's not the man for you. Have faith in your standards and your own desires in life.
A
female
reader, lovespice  +, writes (24 August 2009):
Since you are noticing a pattern, take a reflective look on how you come across. What are you "selling" when you meet a man. How do you come across as a woman, are coming across as responsible and independent or are you coming across as a playful sex kitten? Those are extremes examples but you know what I am trying to convey. If the men are expecting a lot from you after you have sex with them then perhaps you have subconsicously acted out some sort of promise without knowing it. Try dating again and taking on a different role. This time, just be a person and don't try too hard to want to be pleasing or expect too much sexual attention. Try going to museums and have more intellectual conversations with them. At some point you will notice what they are expecting from you. Then it's up to you if you decide to "give" yourself to this person. Be more selective. If a man makes any remarks that seems a little too interested in sex then maybe you should put him through a series of tests. If he doesn't last through these tests, then he's out of the game....NEXT ! Know that what you give of yourself is too precious to just pass it around and feel bad later.
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A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 you wrote :"I have dated many guys and it is always same pattern"my suggestion, hold your chase a while..and do self-reflection..i mean, if you think that you always end up the relationship unpleasantly, and like a circle without the end point. There must something wrong in it. Think and check, what needs to improve..is it the wrong approach? or is it the wrong targets?
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A
female
reader, linz09 +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Why is the big emphasise on sex..don't go out looking for a sexual relationship..go out and look for a man who treats you with respect and shows some real emotion. You say 'they' want different position and ' they' want you to dress up. What do they think you are a doll they can play with. Look for a completely different man, keep away from your normal types and dont rush into sex with anyone. This way you will fin the deeper relatioship you crave..
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Men and women look at sex very differently. Women want romance, men want sex. It doesnt sound like you are doing much wrong, you maybe should just let the guy know from the moment you two start talking that you are wanting a meaningful relationship and not just sex. Also, hold it back a little longer before you have sex with them. Make sure there feelings for you are real. But, I will say that I believe it is ok to do all those crazy things in bed with the person you care about. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for BOTH of you, though. So if you are not getting that from your lovers then maybe you have to spell it out for them more clearly or perhaps search for a higher class of man.
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