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anonymous
writes: Me and my dad have never really got on, but recently it's got so much worseI have an older sister and she's smaller built than me and looks like a model. He's always fussing over her and saying to his friends that he'll "have to keep an eye on that little heart breaker." He never praises me to any of his friends! My sister rebelled a couple of years ago and started smoking and drinking and sleeping at blokes' houses. I never did any of that! I'm about a size 12 and I was moaning to my mum about my weight....he caught on and now whenever I go to the fridge he makes crude remarks about my size.He takes all his anger out on me and my sister knows that she can get away with stuff if she blames me. He even basicaly chose my GCSE options for me! He loves her so much more and sometimes I row with him, or he just yells at me for no reason. I get so frustrated that I hit things and throw things around. I can't cry around him because he takes the mick.please help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2005): Mate, I am on the same boat as you. The only difference is that i don't have a sister of my own. But my father still tries to please daughters of his friends. He never shows similar caring attitude towardd me. In fact he lowers me in front of other people and always undermines my achievements to others children.
After years of trying to please him so that he values me for the way i am, I gave up on him. Our relationship has turned more bitter as i have started living life on my own and am actually not doing bad.
I have realized that such people are actually have a kind of inferiority themselves. So they try to look at other people in similar manner. My brother knows how to deal with my father. He treats him as we treat small children. Caring for them no matter what. Listen to their ridiculous comments and accepting them for the way they are. Personally, i am less tolerant than my brother but i hope this gives you some guidance.
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reader, pops +, writes (2 September 2005):
Can you talk to your mother about this? What he is doing is emotional abuse, and is harmful both in the short term and in the long term, to you. If your mother, can't, or won't do anything to stop this, then talk to a counselor at school, or consult the police. They often have social workers employed to help them deal with these kind of family crises. I suspect that your father does not understand what he is doing, although he is responsible for his actions, and should know better. I also suspect that he is dealing with some of his only feelings of lack of self worth, by both over praising your sister, and being abusive to you. He needs professional help.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (2 September 2005):
As a girl I loved my Dad so much, I can't imagine what pain you must be feeling. You need to identify the many negative feelings you are going through, for example, rejection, envy, jealously, hurt, sad, angry, etc. Then use this to compile a letter expressing how you feel to your Dad. At the end of the letter tell him cleary what you would like him to do. Tell him you love him very much. Then read it through, sleep on it, read it again and rewrite it if you think you need to. Give this to your Dad, it might get his attention more if you sent it to his workplace or simply posted it to your home. I hope this helps, if it doesn't change his attitude it will at least make you feel better to tell him how you feel.
Delila
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2005): Talk to your mum about this and tell her to sort this out with your dad. It's not very fair on you that your dad likes your older sister more than you. Hopefully your dad will stop his horrible behaviour and start treating you and your sister the same.
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