A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just had a big row with my Dad. He has a habit of over dramatising things and going into long sulks. He said he had eaten too late in the day yesterday, although my Dad claims it was much later than it was, and he had a dreadful nights sleep. In a nutshell, he was blaming it on my boyfriend. Let me explain. I have noticed that my boyfriend tries to keep everyone happy by saying yes to everything but unfortunately it means he probably doesn’t keep many people happy.My bf wanted to go out with my family before we took my sister back home, but he didn’t realise that we were taking her back yesterday. So, my boyfriend agreed that he would meet us in my sister’s home town for a meal.However, when the time came to meet up he hadn't arrived. I then got a call from him saying he thought I had said later in the day. I knew that I hadn’t and told him so. Anyway, he then kept asking me what he should do (he was already running very late and he had to back in his home town hours later for an appointment). I'd been surprised he’d agreed to meet us in the first place, given the fact it was a long journey for him and on a route he didn't know. I don’t think he realised how far it was.Anyway, he set off to meet us but by this time we had ordered food as we had been waiting some time for him. Not long after this, he called me to say that he was stuck in traffic and he didn’t think he was going to be able to make it after all.My Dad was in a bad mood all day yesterday anyway but when he heard that my boyfriend wasn’t coming after all, he started lecturing me that I should have given him what for. I appreciate the fact that maybe Dad doesn’t want to see me get hurt, but I wanted to deal with it in my own way. I explained to my Dad that I couldn’t be challenging my boyfriend down the phone in a pub with everyone listening. Dad’s method of arguing is to yell and shout at people. Dad always thinks everyone is out to take advantage. My boyfriend knows that I was unhappy with his actions and he apologised many times saying that it was all his fault. I thought that was decent of my boyfriend - he is one of very few people I have ever met, including my family, who has the decency to own up to their mistake and apologise for it as well. My Dad always preaches bad things should be treated as ‘water off a duck’s back’ yet he bears grudges for years at a time! Whilst I am trying to put this disappointment in the past and deal with my own feelings about it, Dad is dredging it up by yelling at me that my boyfriend needs to grow up!My boyfriend has let me down a few times and I think Dad worries that it is upsetting me and I am not standing up for myself. I believe that no relationship is perfect, and there are bound to be one or two times when we have to deal with being let down by our partners. After all we are only human. Now if I were being let down all the time then I would need to question things big time.I think my boyfriend is very disorganised at times and he has a genuine desire to make everyone happy so he feels he cannot say no to anything. I don’t believe any of this is out of maliciousness, but it is having a negative impact on our relationship and I would welcome advice on how I can help my boyfriend with this. If it is not challenging enough that my boyfriend and I are having to contend with the logistics of a long distance relationship, I am now having to cope with my Dad’s bad moods again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): I can understand your b/f actions as I have done it before to people, you don't really want to go somewhere but say yes as it's easier than saying no and having to explain, yes at the time he properly meant it but later on he realised he couldn't do it.
I never pulled these stunts with family, partners. God I never get away with it! Just tell your b/f he needs to learn to say no then taking the easy route out, if he dosen't stop then he has a problem.
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