A
female
age
41-50,
*myrechel
writes:well this isnt really a relationship question, im actually needing some advice on some custody issues. I have joint custody with my x husband of my two boys, one is 7 years old, the other 5. I am remarried now, he is getting married in march. He plans on moving away across state line to arkansas, which is around 45 minutes away. He has shared his plan of how he wants to do custody, he wants to have my youngest son for full time and me having my oldest son full time, they would only see one another on the weekends, I do not agree with his plan. My boys have been thru thick and thin since birth. I now have a daughter with my husband now, and he has a son with his fiance. He threatens, for full custody all the time just to hold something over my head, my boys have expressed they want to stay with me. They say their future stepmom is mean to them. I filed for full custody yesterday and he's going to be served this weekend after I have my boys in my posession. can anyone tell me how a full custody battle works, I do know that usually lawyers try to mediate between partys to try to avoid going to court but i know he will not agree to my terms. My terms is I will have custody with him having them every weekend. He's always gone when its his time for the kids, his mom or his fiance has them 90 percent of the time. he's in the military, he's always deployed, i work part time(20 hours aweek) cause my husband pays all the bills. Whats my chances?? I have no charges, no nothing on my record? PLease, he's about to be served and i am really needing some advise because he's gonna try every trick in the book so he doesn't have to pay child support... also if any of you have been thru a full blown out custody situation, can you share your story so i know what im dealing with..thanks
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (6 February 2009):
 You are in for a tough battle ahead and I am sorry you have to go through this. It is completely unreasonable to split up the children and pretend that each having full custody of one child somehow is good for anyone involved, especially the children. If they were teenagers and expressed this as their own desire it might make sence. But as a solution to find balance and make things 'fair' it is ridiculous.
Because he is deployed a lot and not at home a good deal of the time I highly doubt he would be granted sole custody. Since you are the primary caregiver and only away for 20 hours a week you are in a much better bargaining position. It is very difficult to get sole custody as the courts really push for joint custody and fathers rights these days. Generally that is a good thing, but not always. I, personally, have sole custody of my children and my ex has limited visitation. But this is not the norm. When I went to court everyone tried to tell me that I could not have sole custody, that shared parenting is the norm now. But I was adament and I got it.
Men threaten that they are going to take full custody of the children all the time as a ploy to scare the mother into doing whatever it is they want them to do. Usually this is a ploy to get more money from the joint assets or to lower child support. Dont let him scare you. His chances are slim to none that he would get sole custody. He is not there for the kids and he is the one moving away. You are there all the time and are staying put. He is at a stark disadvantage. However, that does not mean it will be easy for you to get sole custody. More likely it will still be joint legal custody with you having primary physical custody. But, unless you have done something horribly wrong, it is highly unlikely that the courts will take one or both of your children from you and give them to your husband. What is the visitation/custody arrangement now? If he is only 45 minutes away my guess is the court will give the kids to you most of the time and to him every other weekend from Friday after school to either Sunday night or he would drop them off to school Monday morning.
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