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female
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*xchel77
writes: I have been dating a Portuguese boy for almost a year now, only promlem...I'm not Portuguese. A giant family and huge cultural gatherings mean so much to the Portuguese people. He has tried taking me to these events knowing it could be slightly weird for me knowing that I am a tall, blonde, most un-portuguese person alive. When I attend these events all I get is dirty stares and talking behind my back. The people say horrible things and are some of the rudest people I've ever met. I am already a very shy person so this doesn't help. I don't know what to do because I know his culture means so much to him and is very important and in no way to I want to take it away from him but I don't see how our relationship can last if all I feel is extreamly un-welcomed. Coming from a family that is open with anyone of any race, sexual orientation OR CULTURE, this just seems unreal to me. Please help, I don't want to lose my boyfriend but do I have another choice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): well i know how u feel, i was dating a portaguese girl, and totally felt the culture shock, being tall blonde and an irish protestant, but sadly her parents though that this culture clash was unacceptable and did not let her continue the relationship with me, simply because i did not fit the mold of a catholic portaguese boy, i was and still am totally heartbroken by the outcome and wish i could do something about it, but she is to young, only being 16, to truly be in a position to go against her parents wishes, why cant we all just get along? religio is such a joke, its the 21 century, let love win for once!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): My ex's (we broke up because she was too weak from outside influences) family and majority of her friends and colleagues did not approve of me, believing some shit that I never done. Yeah, it made me sick and totally uncomfortable, somewhat unhappy, and sad at times, complemented with anger and frustration. Holy crap! I stayed with her all that time! [sigh]
Yes I did. Cuz I am a strong person. I don't care about other people. I cared about her. That's it. I HATED going to her dinner parties with her friends, and I didn't have to go, but I did, to show her that I am willing to 'sacrifice' my comfort just to be there with her.
This situation is reversed from yours, but the 'moral' of this situation in comparison with yours is that if you're strong enough, and your love (if any) for your bf is deep enough, then everything else should be trivial.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (19 June 2006):
 It sounds like this is very confronting, especially in larger groups. Perhaps it might be worth meeting some of his family in a smaller groups?
I think you need to talk to him and mention you are feeling a little bit out of place so he knows how you are feeling.
Then I think you just need to basically ignore all the crap. If people want to behave like that, that is their problem. If people want to be rude, unwelcoming, whatever, then they are sad individiuals whose opinions should not bother you. If your boyfriend wants you there and loves you, who cares what these small minded people think?
You obviously come from a home that can see past the differences people have and accept people for who they are rather than the colour of their skin, their ethnic background or their religious persausions so consider yourself lucky that you have a grown up attitude of the world and an accepting personality.
Don't let nasty people bring you down.
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