A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a committed, 4-year relationship with my boyfriend, and though we've had our ups and downs, we've loved each other the whole time. Sometimes I feel like we're more companions than lovers. I recently met a guy briefly, but he's left quite an impression on me. He asked me out, but I told him I have a boyfriend. he said he'd still like to hangout...I have his number, but he doesn't have mine.My boyfriend is teasing me to "try it out" but he's just saying that because he knows I'd never do anything. Or because he thinks he can also go on a date with someone else. (Both if us have never really played the single life and just dated, so it's a curiosity we'd like to explore).One of my problems is that I can't seem to shake this crush off...I can't decide if it's because there was chemistry between ne and this new guy, or because I haven't really played the field.What should I do? Or rather, how do I shake this feeling of "i wonder what could be" with this guy...?
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (4 May 2011):
 I'll take a stab at this and say that you have a crush on this guy because of what is missing in your current relationship. You said it yourself - you feel more like a companion than a lover to your current boyfriend. That means the passion has gone out of the relationship and you are looking for it elsewhere.
It almost sounds as if your boyfriend feels the same way. Men generally do not encourage someone they are in love with to "try it out" with someone else. In fact, they usually get quite jealous if anything like that is mentioned. Now as to whether or not he is giving you a pass on this so he is free to do the same is uncertain.
You do need to have an honest discussion about the state of your current relationship. If you do not, and you "try out" someone else, I believe it will be the beginning of the end for you. Going backwards with a serious relationship usually doesn't work. You have had an exclusive relationship for four years. You need to decide if you want to continue or not.
I believe your relationship is at a crossroads. It might be time to "poop or get off the pot" so to say. After four years, and at your age, if is often decision making time. Sometimes it is a time to decide to marry or go your separate ways. Time to have that "talk" I think.
Best of luck.
TEM
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