A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I've had a strong connection with a friend ever since we met in the first year of high school,(11 years old) let's call him Matt. Unfortunately my older brother died shortly after starting high school, and when I returned after a 3 week break I looked to Matt to cheer me up. We were buddies in English, Art and Spanish, so he was alays making me laugh. We have stayed friends throughout high school and around the age of 16\17 I started to realise I liked him more than a friend. I'm now 22, still crushing, (maybe in love), I haven't dated anyone, I haven't had sexual relations with anyone, and I don't know if it's because I'm so hung up on him, I compare every other guy to him, I don't want to be with anyone else. Matt is a typical young lad, he likes to go out on weekends and get with girls, and there is no way I would ever tell him how I feel, I wouldn't want to jeopardise our friendship. Unless he felt the same and told me, but that will never happen, I'm a bigger girl and thatstable just not his type. I know people will say well he's not the one for you if he doesn't like you for you, but he doesn't like me like that. So I guess I'm in a bug pickle, I've been crushing on my best friend for 11 years and I now think I need to 'get over' him, but I need to remain friends. Please help me!!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2016):
 Sweetie if you are adamant that you are not going to tell him how you feel and continue to be friends with him then you are never going to get over this crush, it is always going to be there making you feel sad and lonely.
It seems you may have built this Matt guy up in your head to be better than any other guy. I understand he is your friend and you have had a crush for a long time, but if you cannot do anything about it then it will be in the way off you finding happiness because you will always compare guys to him. Matt might not have any idea at all that you have strong feelings for him. You say he is the type of guy who goes out at the weekend getting with girls and you would not be his type as you are a bigger girl.
I know all men have types but there is a lot more to someone than there weight. It sounds like Matt is not ready for a girlfriend, it seems that he is enjoying playing the field.
I am not going to tell you to end your friendship or just tell him the truth. But sweetie you need to try get over this crush before it takes over your life.
A
female
reader, MartiJJ +, writes (24 October 2016):
 I personally couldn't have any sort of crush on an individual who likes to go out at weekends and "get with other girls", or someone who judges others on their body shape, but they don't say love is blind for no reason, that aside I wonder if your not using the romantic image you have of 'Matt' as a reason not to date, and not to put yourself out there, has he just become a handy coping mechanism to stop yourself being hurt?I was in a similar situation with my first crush except I had the confidence to confide my true feelings and was shot down in a second, it hurts and put a small dent in my confidence at the time, but it was sure a lot easier to move on and forget about it after that!My advice is just to wait, perhaps in time you'll find the courage to be more open to another person and a reciprocal relationship no matter how daunting the prospect might seem!
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