A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice, I'm 21 years old and i was involved with an older man 32 now, for two years. I was undeniably in love with him, totally and completely. To me he was perfect and my everything, my best friend and lover, we were both in love crazy about each other. But my love had some problems, where my love for him never wavered or was in question, he always thought it was. He just always assumed either i was off doing dirt, or else i was trying to get somewhere to do some dirt. Truth be told i never wanted to go anywhere not for one minute, i never saw myself with anyone else, yes i know i did the unthinkable, I married him in my head. I was committed to him, although no matter how i tried to reassure him and tell him i loved him more than my next breath he has his insecurities. I guess he thought i was young and wild and would want someone else. I tried to let him know otherwise but there was no telling him. My best friend at the time happened to be single, and at first when everything was peachy keen she wasn't she had been going out with her cousin. As a young single woman she often went to see old friends and hang out with our old school friends. She was my best friend and of course i was going to go too. That is when the physical abuse began, he would get into these jealous rages and at that point there was nothing anyone could say that would stop him. He would hit me yell at me and just make me feel like shit. I loved him and he would hurt me, every time i would break it off and tell him to leave me alone, and not come back around me, but he would cry and beg, i understood he had a serious problem, but i convinced myself i could heal him, we could work through it. But it only got worse, he made me so angry at him, i loved him so much and used to love to see his face but he made it impossible for us to be happy together. I finally after too much of me hurting, called for a break. WE needed space. I told him this break was not meant to end us, just to make things better. By this point the only person i had to talk to was my sister, seeing how his insane rants and stalking habits chased my friend away. i talked to her and she was helping, and then i would talk to him every day all the time, and we were working on our problems, we were getting better, at least thats what i thought. we talked of plans and how we felt, and i showed him i could hang out with people and never do him wrong, i never once stepped out of the relationship. We both still slept together often and we told each other we would keep it that way. we were still in love, but while i was attempting to cool his emotions down, to me it seemed like something had suddenly changed one day. I noticed this because he was suddenly busy with my sister and my aunt and her boyfriend. Well i assume female intuition never lies, i felt that suddenly my man whom i was still involved with was sleeping with my only 18 year old sister. i asked and accused, only to be told by both parties that i was out of my mind to even think it. Well one night when stories just didnt add up anymore i realized the truth, they were and i had had enough. I took every possesion of hers and took it to his house, needless to say they didnt deny it any more, and now he is sleeping with her, living together even. I just find myself bitter, and angry, how could they do it to me. Both of them were very important to me, and i never could have hurt either one in anyway, but they snuck around and lied for god knows how long, all the while he tells me he loves me, his feelings didn't change and that he wants me and no one else. I was sleeping with him, and he had my whole heart. I just feel so hurt and lost and never want to love anyone ever again.
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a break, best friend, cousin, jealous, older man, stalking Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. Like DoubleM says, never let a man hit you. There is no need for physical violence. Speaking of which, this sounds very much like what happens during domestic violence abuse.
If you're interested, the Power and Control wheel is at the link below:
http://www.eurowrc.org/02.faq/15.definition.htm
This is a dangerous man to be with your sister. Have you searched for any kind of support that could help you and your sister's situation?
Be careful and I hope for the best for you and your sister!
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (10 December 2009):
 I agree with Double M; this man is abusive and dangerous. Although you loved him, it was an unhealthy love and you are really fortunate to get away from him. The fact the he hit you, isolated you and is now involved with your sister is proof that he doesn't deserve your love. He's crap and unfortunately, your sister is about to find out the truth about who he is. He was your first love, but he won't be your last; you WILL heal in time and your life without him will be much better than it ever could have been with him. Reconnect with your friends, enjoy being a 21-year old, and thank God that you dodged a bullet.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 December 2009):
 Never, ever! allow a man to strike you and you do anything but get the hell away. You just need to set certain boundaries in life. There are men who would never do such a thing. He's a lunatic and now I worry about your sister. But in my opinion, you should consider the education you have received and move on in life. A much better man is in your future. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (10 December 2009):
 aww, I am SO sorry! I know how you feel sweetheart, it will all be okay! Just take your mind off of it, go see friends, go out and have fun, spend time with family, etc. Do thinkgs that arent going to make you think of him, better yet, go do things that open up doors to meet new people. There is over 6 billion people in the world, one of them is BOUND to be good to you! :)
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