A
male
age
41-50,
*ideonmcgrane
writes:I'm crazy about this woman at work. I have been for many years, and she knows it. She can seem to read my every thought while I can never seem to know what she's thinking or where I stand. Sometimes I think she's just as crazy about me, other times she seems to see me as a nuisance. A few weeks after she came to the job I made a move on her but she was attached at the time and rejected me. I've done my best over the years to not approach her with anything but work related issues but I long to talk with her and meet up etc. We stayed over for few days - work again - and we had one good meeting when she really looked great and seemed happy in my company. This got my hopes up but next day instead of making progress I once again felt rejected. I feel sick now after coming so close to getting to tell her how I feel. She's away for 2 weeks now and the feelings of loss will ebb away and I'll be glad she's not there so I dont have to be subjected to such debilitating and confused feelings. I am shy about telling her how I feel unless she shows real interest, I fear repercussions at work and of course fear rejection once again. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2014): I agree with Janniepeg, I think the best way to get over this or know for sure if this can lead to something else, is to ask her out for lunch. If she can take the hint, she'll know your purpose is to get to know her better and she'll answer yes or no from that. Unless, she's the type who doesn't see any malice to it and agrees to a yes for the sake of being nice and friendly. do you normally have small talks with each other? If so, lunch would feel natural but if you hardly interact, you should probably take baby steps in just getting to know her better first. And in time, it won't feel awkward to just ask her for lunch. just be yourself. Be prepared that she would say no and when she does, then just accept it. It will hurt, obviously, but at least there's no more worrying or over thinking in the head. You will need a distraction to keep your mind off her, something productive and healthy for your life eg gym, taking additional classes etc. Build on you self-confidence. The first thing you need to do is love yourself first and other people will see that and gravitate towards you eventually. Who knows maybe then, you'll find a different girl better suited for you. Meantime, nothing wrong w/ being single but happy in your life.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 You kind of put her on a pedestal because you don't really know her too well. All that time worrying about rejections, she's had other men made a move on her. When asking a woman out, you don't have to express any feelings. It's as simple as a lunch date, a few conversations. You may have feelings of anticipations of an ideal date, the ideal version of how she would be but until you've known her and got together physically with her, you would never know how you feel about her. She either says a yes or a no. You don't have to take a no too personally because so people just have a rule about not dating coworkers. You either ask her out and get closure from this, or date other people to get your mind off her.
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